Mythos

Chapter 15. Twirled

Marahan kong sinarado ang music box habang panay ang singhap, hindi ko nais madinig ng iba ang aking pagluha, madali pa namang makaramdam ang si Lola, lalo na si Ate Tanya. Marahas kong pinunasan ang aking mga luha, this tears just don't make sense, why am I crying over a mere music box?

Hinila ko pabukas ang drawer, marahas akong huminga ng malalim bago pabalibag na sinarado itong muli, tumalikod ako at inabot ang zipper ng suot kong damit. Hinubad ko ito at tinira ang aking panloob, hinablot ko ang kumot at marahang pinadulas ang mga daliri sa tela nito.

So soft, so smooth, so silky..

I really love this comforter, it feels different, it made me feel different.

Pinulupot ko ito saaking katawan saka nilingon ang music box, muli kong inikot ang likuran nito at pumainlalang ang kanta. Marahan akong pumikit habang dinadama ang magkahalong sakit, kirot at hindi maipaliwanag na damdamin saaking puso. Sinimulan kong iugoy ang aking katawan ng marahan.

I sway as the music box plays the song. Ang kantang nagdudulot ng kakaibang pakiramdam saakin, pain and sorrow, and an unknown feeling. Why are my feelings in turmoil? Napakagulo, naghalo-halo, nakakalito. Why am I feeling this way? Ano ba ang nais ipabatid nito?

May ibinubulong, may nais sabihin ngunit may bumabalakid, wari'y nais akong haplusin ng ritmo, nais ipadama saaking sa pamamagitan ng kalansing ng tunog.

Unti-unti ay tinataas ko ang kanang kamay, this music box is something, very different from the others. Ganito din ba ang pakiramdam ng iba sa music box na natatanggap nila? Bakit kakaiba, ganito ba talaga ang pakiramdam na makinig sa musikang pinapaingay ng kahon? It is strangefully gaves me an aching feeling, pain, sorrow, tears, and a very familiar feeling.

Just like those on my dreams, cold and warmth that is very unusual, and a voice, soothing voice who is calling for someone. Needly shouting for that someone's presence. Who is it? Who is the man in my dreams? What does it need from me?

It's like someone badly needed my help, but what for? And why appear in my dreams? Bakit hindi sa harapan ko?

I started swirling, twirling with the music, dancing alone, along with rhythm of music. Marahan ang aking pag-ikot habang ang mga kamay ay tila humahaplos sa hangin, sa mensaheng nais nitong iparating. I swayed while caressing the comforter that hides my nakedness. This feels good, being in this state is good, dancing gaves me warmth, a warmth that only my passion can gave me.

Dancing is my escape, as well as sleeping, but right now. I don't think sleeping can gave me peace, it's just gave me more problems. For now dancing is my peace, when I dance I am at peace, when I dance I forgot my problems, I forgot about the world. It's like taking me to another place with only me can come to it.

But right now, dancing with this kind of music, a song that gaves me painful beats, a rhythm that me feel aching feelings. It's more different from the dances I made, because the music, gave me a turmoil feelings. Hindi ko na maipaliwanag pa ang pakiramdam, it's warm and also cold, it's painful but also beautiful.

A beautiful pain, I am painfully dancing with different feelings, different emotions are clouding my body, my mind, my soul and my heart. The touch of the wind, the beats of music, the pain that surrounds my heart, I hate this feeling. I never like being in this kind of situation.

"Sweetheart.."

"Sweetheart." Napadilat ako ng tumigil sa pagtunog ang music box, marahas na humampas ang hangin dahilan para mapalingon ako sa balkonahe. Saan nagmula ang malakas na hangin?

Bumuntong-hininga ako, sinarado ang music box at inilagay sa drawer, tinanggal ko ang kumot saaking katawan saka lumakad papunta ng closet dala ang hinubad kong damit. Humablot ako ng pares ng pajamas at nagbihis, bahagya ko pang pinunasan ang pawis saaking leeg gamit ang likod ng aking palad.