Boy Trouble|BFM|

chapter 35 - the end

Special POV
Ashley's POV
I was so mad at Annabelle for causing a scene, also at the same time I felt lost inside, I thought me coming home we'll be good for me, I promised myself I hoped it'll be fine but I was wrong. I even made up a story about me wanting to go sing and all sort of that, telling myself that am happy but it all felt void.

And this thing growing and crawling inside of me was a sick reminder of what happened that night, a stupid mistake I had done, I shouldn't have gone there, I shouldn't have but I did and I had to leave with it.

I thought Anna would understand me but once I told her she turned her back against me, I get she also has a lot going on which if she speak up maybe I mean just maybe I could help. She was always the perfect child right from day one, I was just the other half, the other one, the stuck up bitch "Ashley" maybe I wasn't meant for this I thought for the last time before Dan came into the room.

"Are you okay?" He dared asked me, how the hell was I suppose to feel, he stretched his hands forward to touch me but I moved away immediately.

"Talk to me ash, I'm here for you." He added this time slower.

"Don't Danny, I can't do this anymore please just leave me alone," I summon the courage to say. But he wasn't giving up.

"Don't be scared Ash, look I don't care what happened, screw the asshole I still love you nothing is going to change that."

"Can't you just leave me alone am begging you?" I used my hands to signify am begging before my mom came in.

"Give us a minute please?" She said to him and he stood up to leave.

"I'll always love you Ash, don't forget that." He added before going.

I simply nodded before my mom looked at me, and before I knew what was going on she broke down In tears, I knew she was going to be disappointed this was one of the reasons I didn't want to say anything.

"Mom please don't cry, I know I'm a disappointment but please don't cry?"
I joined her, I couldn't watch her go on like that, but she wasn't saying anything she just kept crying and so did I.

We went on for about four minutes before she finally stopped, she looked at me one more time before locking the door behind me.

"Goodnight sweetie." She said before going out.

Was she that disappointed that she couldn't talk to me, was it that bad? Did she really hate me this much? Did I really do this? All this questions running through my mind but no one to answer them for me, except my mind which told me to end it, and I knew it was what i had to do.

****
I woke up the next morning, my eyes soaking wet I was crying myself to sleep the whole night, so I decided today is the day I'll make myself gone for good, maybe then my parents would love me, and maybe only then will they truly want me around.

No one was up luckily or so I think, it was already almost to one, I  locked myself through out. So I snuck out to the nearest store I could find, I went and purchased a pack of razors and luckily no one noticed me gone, they hated me anyway that am sure of.

I suppose mom and dad went out with David to celebrate, am going to miss that little rascal, even though we didn't spend much time together I'll always love him. I went out back to our garden and sat there thinking. I saw Anna perfectly dressed like nothing happened going out, probably to meet with friends I suppose, I don't hate her that's for sure, but I definitely felt betrayed.

I went in and went straight to my room, I searched for a pen and paper and wrote my final words, I didn't want to Blame anyone so I decided to keep it short, and honestly it's no one's fault am doing this, rather it's mine.

I went into the bathtub and put the water running through, I went in and let myself feel the water, I spent three hours sitting and over thinking what I was about to do, I decided not to go through it, I stood up and dried myself off, grabbing my sweats I went to the living room to Sit with my razors still with me I decided to mop around, just as I sat down I noticed everyone still wasn't around.

What kind of Christmas was this, maybe it really was my fault, maybe I did this, just then my parents started arguing and I was sure it was about me, I guess it was that I needed to push me to do it, I didn't think it through at the moment all I thought was save yourself Ashley do it, and I did it. I pulled the razor from my hoodie that I kept with me.

Slitting my wrist multiple times with it I felt the pain, but it didn't matter I was gone free from all this and that's all that matters.

That's when the maid screamed and by then it was already too late, poor Ashley was already gone, razors by her side, and her letter squeezed in her left pocket.

That's when it clear to them that she never intended to do it.

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(A/N: with all seriousness, suicide is never the option, and isn't the way. If you know anyone or possibly you who is going through depression, please don't be afraid to reach out and reach the call help line.)