A Promise (An Attack on Titan Fanfic: Erwin Smith)

Jealousy?

Isanna had thought the foreign feelings she had been feeling towards Erwin were just a phase - like the seasons of a year which would eventually come to pass after a few months. 

She previously had three evidences why. She never felt anything towards him whenever they were together, she never felt any jealousy towards other girls who had shown interest in him, and she never wanted to be more than what she already was to Erwin. However, just about a year ago, she decided to erase the first proof after the slight change of feelings she had towards the blond. 

But now as she stood outside the cabin room where Erwin and Adrian were having a talk, Isanna realized she would have to crush out the second evidence as well. 

In the next seconds, Isanna found herself hurriedly dashing away from the room, running down the cabin hall and bursting out of the place with ragged breaths, stepping out under the sun rays that were harshly beating down on her face while sweat dripped down her chin. 

Dok likes Marie, the thought echoed across her mind repeatedly as Isanna let her feet drag her wherever. As well as Erwin. 

She didn't know what to feel about the information. Rather, she didn't want to feel anything. Two of her closest friends liked the same person, with Isanna coincidentally potentially liking one of them.

Is this.. jealousy? Isanna wished she was an idiot. She wished she was dense about her own feelings. But no, she just had to be consciously aware of her emotions towards Erwin ever since Chiara had pointed it out to her.

Isanna had never, not even once, felt any jealousy towards the girls who were chasing after the blond, shooting confession after confession in all those 3 years, not including the time before their military training years. And she finally knew why. 

It was because Isanna knew Erwin was never the type to get distracted from his goal. His ambitious dream of proving his father's theory correct was his ultimate driving force since he was a child; which meant that things like romance was never an option for him. And Isanna was fine with it. She was perfectly contented, and she didn't want to divert his attention elsewhere just to accommodate her petty feelings. 

That's why she was never envious of other girls, because she knew Erwin would never reciprocate their feelings in the first place. 

But now...

Isanna would be lying if she said she didn't have any regrets about holding back her feelings for a whole year. A whole year. She already had her chance and she completely blew it.

•

After dinner in the mess hall, the training cadets walked back to their cabin rooms for the day. What with their graduation nearing, the atmosphere hanging above the 95th batch was becoming livelier as the days went by, the future soldiers particularly excited for the drafting of the military branch. 3 more months of hell and they would finally be out of the hellhole. 

Chiara had just lowered the towel in her hands and had finished drying her hair before she looked at Isanna, who was standing near the foot of her bed while neatly folding her clothes. 

The brunette glanced at Adalaide who was laying on her stomach above the bunk bed she shared with Isanna, both girls exchanging worried looks at how off their friend had been ever since afternoon training came. They had definitely noticed the awry mood cloaking Isanna the whole time, but they thought she would be back to normal after a few hours. 

Clearly, the girl was still out of it. During dinner earlier, Isanna had only eaten two cups of rice. Two. Normally, that amount would be more than enough for most people, but Isanna had the appetite of a titan; she could finish 5 cups at most every dinner.