A Promise (An Attack on Titan Fanfic: Erwin Smith)

Selfishness

A/N: that picture of mike with ear piercings? im ded

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"Mike, I told you, I'm fine."

Isanna couldn't help but sigh as Mike walked over towards her, clutching a water bottle in his hands where he had gotten from the mess hall. After that short scene she had made in front of him, the blond persisted in accompanying her for a while, the both of them hanging outside on the training grounds and leaning against one of the fences at the back of the mess hall cabin with the sun setting behind them.

"Erwin will have my head if he knew I made you cry," was all Mike said as he leaned on the spot beside Isanna and handed her the bottle, the girl gratefully accepting it.

Isanna's brows automatically frowned, turning from him and looking ahead. "I didn't cry because I fell down, okay? And can we please not talk about him?"

Her discomfort and strained tone did not go unnoticed by the blond. He delayed a stare on the girl beside him, gauging her demeanor. "Did you two have a fight?"

Isanna closed her eyes and sighed for the umpteenth time, twisting the bottle cap open. "No. What's there to fight about?"

Mike didn't reply and an air of silence elapsed between them, both figures staring at the empty grounds of the training camp, the late afternoon breeze lightly tousling their hair as they enjoyed the silence.

"What would you do if the person you like doesn't like you back?" Isanna suddenly asked, shattering the quietude. Her eyes were fixated on the far distance of the hills beyond the training camp, the red-orange hues of the skies illuminating the scenery; soon, it'd be dark and evening stars would decorate the night welkin that would soon envelop the earth below.

Mike turned his head to look at the girl, his focused eyes trailing on her features, seeing the resigning glint in her morose gaze. "Does Erwin like someone?"

At this point, Isanna had ran out of energy to even be surprised that even he was aware of her feelings. "Was I that obvious?"

Mike hummed, turning to look back ahead. "Fairly obvious to me. Though I don't think Erwin noticed, as sharp as he may be."

Isanna let out a shaky, dry laugh, the foreign tone rolling uncomfortably off her tongue. She didn't want to cry a second time that day. "I think I'm getting more selfish as time passes by."

Her thoughts went back to the time where she had not been aware of her own feelings for her own best friend. She previously had three evidences why she convinced herself she didn't like him as more as a family:  1) she never felt anything towards him whenever they were together, 2) she never felt any jealousy towards other girls who had shown interest in him, and 3) she never wanted to be more than what she already was to Erwin. Isanna had already crushed out the first two of those proofs, and she was painfully aware she was on the verge of crushing out the third one as well. It was the most crucial one, the only thing that was holding her back from fully embracing her feelings: she wanted to be contented with their current relationship. There were too many risky factors should she be honest with Erwin. She had to consider their future life in the Survey Corps, Erwin's affection for Marie, and most importantly, his dreams and ambitions. What kind of a friend would Isanna be if she'd just force her feelings to him? Isanna had to be contented with the way things already were. She had to hold herself back.

Gods, she noticed she'd been nothing but overly dramatic for the past weeks and was seriously starting to resent herself for it. Or maybe she was nearing her period. Go figure.

"I don't think it's bad to be selfish once in a while."

Mike's sudden advice interrupted Isanna's thoughts as the girl found herself staring at the blond to her left. He was lightly craning his neck upwards, gazing at the sky which was now a color of fading purple, several stars now showing up.

"Especially in this world. We're often pushed to sacrifice too much for the sake of humanity - even our lives," he murmured the last part, taking a pause. "but I don't think wishing for your own happiness in this cruel world is something to be frowned upon. It's okay to value your happiness and be selfish sometimes."

Isanna listened quietly and allowed his words to settle within her, taking a few seconds of silence to process everything.

"While we're still alive, we should look for ways to value our happiness, even in the little things," Mike finished, finally turning to Isanna and locking eyes with her, a small smile dancing on his lips. He raised a hand and patted her gently on the head.

"Cheer up, kiddo."

Isanna playfully rolled her eyes with a scoff. "You're not that much older than me, you know."

"2 years is plenty," his smirk widened, relieved at her improved mood.

The girl huffed, looking away. "You reek of uncle vibes."

"A hot uncle."

"Tch."

As the night sky dimmed further, enclosing the heavenly firmament with darkness, the twinkling of the stars shone brightly and gave light to the training camp. Isanna thought about her feelings towards Erwin. Just as she'd thought, she could still never bring herself to put her feelings above Erwin's dreams, but while she couldn't apply Mike's advice about being selfish, she could definitely apply what he said about finding happiness even in the littlest of things. While they were still alive.