Distraction [Zarry]

Chapter Five

I woke up and noticed it was dark outside and glanced around the room, not recognizing my surroundings. I turned to a clock on the table that read 12:38 a.m. I was still at Harry's. I then looked over and saw him asleep, laying flat on his stomach, his mop of curls a mess, his lips slightly parted as his back rose and fell with each breath he took. I couldn't help the light smile on my face, he was so beautiful. I wish I could make myself believe that I wouldn't hurt him, but I knew myself better than that, no matter what Harry thought or told me. But what I did know, is that I cared about Harry Styles, and I would do everything in my power not to hurt him.

I was pulled from my thoughts when my phone vibrated from the bedside table and i reached over to grab it, opening a text from Louis.

Zayn, please talk to me. I miss you. - Lou x

I got out of bed quietly, not wanting to disturb Harry and made my way down the hall into the living room and dialled Louis's number. I don't even know why I'm calling him, because I did tell him I didn't want to hurt him anymore. But he is a person I will always care for, no matter the circumstance. I was about to hang up but on the third ring he answered.

"Zee?" Louis's soft voice rang through the phone.

"Hey, Lou." I answered him.

"Zee, I miss you so much. I'm sorry I made you leave. I'm sorry I made you hate me. I'm sorry I let myself fall in love with you. I just don't want you to go.." His voice cracked and I knew he was crying.

"Louis, babe, it's okay. I don't hate you. You don't have anything to apologize for at all. It's me. I've treated you like shit. I've used you, ruined you. All because of my bull shit problems." I said, my voice rising accidentally.

"Zayn I wanted to help you. I didn't mind that you were using me, because you were here, and that was all that mattered to me."

Tears were now pooling in my eyes and streaming down my face. I didn't even know what to say anymore. I've turned his life to shit, all because I was too much of a pussy to handle my problems on my own.

"Louis... I'm sorry, okay..?" I choked out and ended the call.

Tossing my phone onto the coffee table I angrily ran my fingers through my hair and no longer fought the tears away. I sank to the floor leaning against the couch and became a sobbing mess. Harry was for sure to wake up if I didn't quiet down but I didn't care at this point. I was so tired of everything. So tired of my dad, so tired of living with how pathetic I am, so tired of hurting Louis. I wasn't about to stand here and let myself do the same to Harry, I wouldn't allow myself to do it. I have to end this before I'm in too deep, or perhaps I already am. Because even though in amidst my tears I went back to the bedroom and put on my jeans and tshirt, I was standing at the front door like a coward. I couldn't open it. I couldn't leave. I heard movement behind me and knew it was Harry.

"It's the middle of the night Zayn, where are you going?" He questioned.

I turned to face him, meeting his gaze with tear-filled eyes. He saw I was crying and walked to me, putting his hands on my cheeks.

"What's wrong baby?" he asked, worry evident in his tone.

"I..." I tried to speak, tears now falling down my face again. "I can't do this to you, Harry. I don't want to do this to you. I woudn't be able to live with myself if I hurt you. I was about to leave, because I refuse to let myself hurt you like I've hurt Louis. I don't know why I care about you so much, but I do. And I don't understand a damn thing about it. I need you, Harry. But at the same time I need to stay as far away from you as possible, or I know I'm going to fuck whatever this is up and wreck you., and I can't bare the thought of that... you're too fragile. You're... you're my angel, Harry." I sobbed into his neck.

He wrapped his arms around me and planted kisses to my temple.

"Look at me, Zayn."

I lifted my head and he wiped my tears away with his fingers.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to us, and neither of us is going anywhere. I need you to trust me, and I need you to have some faith in yourself. Give yourself from credit, you've made it this far, sure with a lot of bumps in the road, but you're still here, and I'm with you now. Nothing will change that. If you push me away, I will push back. I will stay in your life, and that will not change. No matter what happens."

With that he kissed me sweetly, and I melted into the feeling of his lips on mine. With everything Harry just said to me, and with the passion that's in this kiss, I know that everything he just told me was true. He won't leave me, nor will he let me leave him. No matter what I do, or no matter what happens. I couldn't help but feel... okay.

I smiled and broke the kiss, staring into his emerald gaze as our hands interwtined.

"Come back to bed with me." Harry spoke.

I nodded and I followed my angel back to his room with some feeling, a feeling that wouldn't be described as happiness, or peace, or anything like that. But in the midst of my crazy, fucked up life, Harry gave me a feeling I haven't felt in years. Harry gave me hope.

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sorry I haven't updated in a while, school sucks. plus we started a research paper, so I'll be busy with that too. this chapter is short, but I needed to hurry and update since I haven't in a while. I hope you like this chapter... tell me what you think? thanks to all who is reading and voting. It means a lot.

x