Distraction [Zarry]

Chapter Twenty Seven

It felt like hours I'd been sat on the floor. I had stopped crying, I was just numb. Too numb to make myself get up. Too numb to try to move myself out of Harry's arms. Too numb to do anything. Harry continued to rub my shoulders every once in awhile to soothe me, not really knowing what to say. I don't blame him, it's not his fault. Not his fault he isn't as fucked up as I am. Usually Harry is all I need to make me feel better, but this time it didn't feel like it was enough. My mother had just walked out the door, probably out of my life for good. I should be relieved because she obviously doesn't care as much as I thought she did, but damn it hurts. It hurts so fucking much and I don't know what to do with myself.

"It's after midnight Zee, lets go to bed and we can talk about all of this in the morning, yeah?" Harry spoke softly, I had honestly forgot he was really there because we had sat in silence for so long.  He planted a light kiss to my shoulder, lingering there for a moment before standing up, holding his hand out for me to take it.

I placed my hand into his own, standing up along side him, but I wasn't quite ready for bed. My mind was racing. "I'll meet you in there in a few minutes. I need to do something first."

He nodded solemnly. "Okay." Then turned from me, walking towards our bedroom, leaving the door open for me.

I glanced at the paper on the floor across the room, rage suddenly filling my body. I walked over to it, picking it up and unfolding it, beginning to read to myself.

"Zayn, I know there aren't enough times I could apologize for the way I've treated you that would convince you to forgive me. But I can only hope and pray that you can find it in your heart to. I am unhappy, have been unhappy for the longest time, mostly because your mother wasn't around, and I was angry with her for being gone so much. I took it out on you and that is something I cannot take back but just know I regret every moment of it. I am aware that you were unhappy as well and I should have stepped up as a father and tried to be there for you. I want you to know that in spite of all the horrible things I have said and done to you, I accept your choices in being with another man and have come to the fact that I shouldn't have robbed you of your happiness just because I was unhappy as well. I have failed you as a father and I can only hope you forgive me one day. This is the last time you will hear from me, for I have met my fate. I love you, my son.

Dad"

I was crying again. Tears pouring down my cheeks. My father cared about me in the end of it all. He wasn't ashamed of me. He loved me. But I couldn't bring myself to forgive him. Not now, probably not ever. He has hurt me beyond recognition and I don't think I will ever be the same because of it. He has scarred me physically and emotionally and regardless of his apology, I can't forgive him.

I wiped my eyes, utterly defeated, exhausted. I carried the paper into the bedroom, putting it into the drawer of my bedside table, then climbed into bed with Harry.

"You okay Zayn?" He asked, sleep laced in his tone but still awake enough to know I was there. I just leaned my head on his chest, him wrapping an arm around my torso.

"He said he was sorry." I muttered, my voice hardly making a sound in my broken state.

"It's going to be okay, baby." He kissed my hair. Then didn't say anything else. Which is okay. I know he is tired. Tired of me. Tired of all my problems. Tired of me being a burden to him. He didn't deserve any of this.

It was my birthday, and still my past and depression has caused a day that was supposed to be happy and fun, to be absolutely horrible.