Distraction [Zarry]

Chapter Thirty Two

[Zayn's POV]

"I didn't."

I jumped up so quickly, scared to death. I rubbed my eyes, thinking I must have gone crazy. I had to have gone crazy. He wasn't here. He hasn't been here. But there he was, standing in the doorway, looking at me with sadness in his eyes.

"Ha...Harry?" I whimpered.

"I never left, Zee. You pushed me away."

"You were gone!" I yelled, suddenly angry with him. "You were gone for months! I looked for you everywhere but you were nowhere to be found! You turned your phone off, you left me!" I don't think I'd ever been this angry in my life.

"I don't have a phone. I never left you, you pushed me away. After your mom showed up and you lost your shit for those few weeks, all you did was push me away. So I figured I'd go, give you space." He looked at me with zero expression. Telling me this as if I should already know it.

"You're the only thing that fixes me. You're the only thing that keeps me from being broken. I didn't want to push you away Harry. I didn't."

We were both sitting on the bed, just staring at each other. I reached my hand out to grab his, but I couldn't. I reached my hand out and felt nothing but bedsheets in my grasp.

I quickly looked around, searching for him.

"Harry?" I shouted. Checking every room in the house. He was gone. But he was just here. How did he leave? Where did he go?

"Harry!!??" I was crying again, hysterically looking around for someone I knew wasn't here anymore.

I sat on my bedroom floor and felt so helpless. Was I hallucinating him? Had I really been wanting to see him that badly, to where my mind would make me think he was here but really wasn't?
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I woke up in my bed. I looked at the clock, it said 2:47 AM, I sighed, trying to will myself back to sleep. I turned over onto my side and jumped up sharply. Harry was laying next to me.

"What is this Harry?! You can't do this to me. If you're going to leave I need you to stay gone because every time you leave it breaks me even more." I choked. Trying to hold it together. Not understanding what or why this was happening.

"Are you saying you don't need me anymore?" Harry asked, honestly, needing an answer.

"I always need you. But I need you to stay." I said and I meant it with every fiber of my being.

"I can't stay, Zee." He then looked down, sad at his own words.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I can't stay. I was here to help. I was here to be there for you. But I can't stay. Anytime you need me, I'm around, but I can't stay here anymore. People are going to think you're even more crazy than they do now."

Those words took me by surprise. What does he mean by that?

"Why would you say that? Do you think I'm crazy?" I was so taken aback by what he said I could hardly form words.

"Zayn, I was never really here." Harry said flatly.

"What...what are you talking about? Of course you were. We live together. We've been through so much... I've touched you. I've felt you. I've loved you... what are you talking about Harry?"

"Zayn, you've been hallucinating me this entire time. Since you were with Louis. Since you still lived with your father. I've always been in your head. All of your friends noticed. They don't even talk to you anymore. Do you notice that? It's been a year or maybe longer since any of them have tried to contact you because they think you're out of you're fucking mind. You haven't noticed because I've been around. Or to you I have been anyway." Harry was yelling now.

"Then... then let me be crazy, please stay with me Harry. Please. Please don't leave again. I can't take it. I need you to stay."

He then touched my face with his fingers, "Zayn, you deserve better. Keep going to therapy. Keep taking your meds, keep working. Keep doing things that you don't need me for. You can have someone real if you want. You need it. I have to go, Zee. You have to let me go." Harry looked at me with tear filled eyes.

"I don't want you to leave." I cried into his hand.

"This is the way it has to be now, Zee. I'm sorry. You're going to be fine."

"No, Harry please don't." I was begging him at this point.

"You are better than this Zayn. Get better. I need you to get better."

And then suddenly he was gone.
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Harry was a figment of my imagination after all. I have never been so broken. Or so humiliated. How did it come to this? How did I hallucinate something that was the most real thing that has ever happened to me? I don't want to be crazy. I never wanted it to be this way.

There's no way Harry wasn't real. I know he was. And if he's only real to me, then that's enough.

"Harry, I want you to stay. Just me and you. Please come back." I was standing in the middle of my bedroom. Calling, screaming out to him.

I called to him for hours it felt like, praying he would come back for me. He was supposed to be here, always.

The last thing I remember is sliding down the wall, hugging my knees to my chest, seeing Harry sitting next to me before everything went black.

If crazy is how I get to have Harry with me, then crazy I'll be.
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The End.
- rm