safe haven │ larry stylinson

40

Harry's POV

"Harry, open the door. Please"
Zayn begged for the fifth time and Harry pressed his lips together. He inhaled deeply and shook his head.
"Please, leave me alone. I just need time for myself"
He heard the man exhaling. "I can't. I can't leave you alone because-"
"Because you're scared I'll kill myself"

He paused and bit his lip. Would he? He wanted to, no doubt. He was tired of crying, tired of sobbing. Most of all he was tired of himself. But he wouldn't kill himself. Not after everything he had been through. He couldn't do that to his mother and Gemma. He couldn't be that selfish.

"Harry?" Zayn interrupted his thoughts.
"I won't kill myself, Zayn. Please. Leave me alone"
There was another moment of silence.
"I wouldn't survive without you, Harry. Don't. I give you the space and time you want. But if you..kill yourself, I'll have to kill you, man"
He bit his lip and nodded even though Zayn couldn't see him.
He heard his steps moving away from the door and pressed his face back in the pillow that was already soaking wet from his tears. He had a runny nose as he laid down on the bed. His eyes were burning from crying and his nose was sore from wiping it but the tears just kept running down his face.

To distract himself, he took his phone. Harry ignored all of the messages except the one from his mother.

From: Mommy❤️
To: Harry

"Proud of you and your shooting darling. You did a great job. I'm so so so so proud of you🥺 Are you alright baby? I'm worried about you. This tour might be too much? If you don't want to do that anymore, it'll be alright. You can just come home honey. Love you to the moon😘❤️ - mom"

From: Harry
To: Mommy❤️

"Thanks mom, I'm doing great. The fans are amazing, every night is just a dream. I'm so happy even though it can be overwhelming. Right now I'm just knocked out. It's 2AM around here right now. Going to sleep. Love you more, stay safe!❤️ - H"

Harry felt bad for lying. But he couldn't tell her the truth. She would be worried way too much.
Tears kept streaming down his face as he opened Twitter. The fans were cheering him up, they always were.

But instead of loving messages, the first thing he saw was a tweet containing a headline of a magazine. 'Candace Owens about Styles: Bring back manly men'. Harry swallowed. He opened the tweet and read everything the woman had said. His heart ached as he continued to read the mean tweets with the hashtag "#BringBackManlyMen". There were fans defending him already but he didn't pay any attention to them. He just read every bad thing they said about him. When he couldn't see his phone screen because of the tears anymore, he put his phone away and hugged his pillow tightly. Bring back manly men. If Candace Owens could see him right now she would probably be laughing at him. Crying like a baby over a guy.

Harry tried to control his breathing. He looked at the ceiling and inhaled, then exhaled. But as soon as he thought he had it under control, he started sobbing again. His wrist hurt and his eyes burnt. The only thing he felt for himself was hatred. Why had he been that dumb?
Suddenly he sat up. He stood up and walked over to the little mini bar next to the table. He opened up one of the Whiskey bottles and started drinking. He coughed. Harry had never liked Whiskey. But right now it was his cure. His way to forget everything. At least for a few hours.
He drank the whole bottle within a few minutes.

The next bottle was halfway gone as well as it knocked on the door again.
"Zayn. I told you, I just want to be aloneee" He said in a sing-sang voice.
"This isn't Zayn.. Uhm.. It's Clara, actually"
Harry frowned. Clara? He didn't know a Clara. He leaned his head against the wall.
"Clara, I uhm..work here. But I'll leave. I just wanted to check on you"
Suddenly he remembered the cute girl from the breakfast service and got up.
"Waittt"

He made his way to the door and opened it. He leaned against the frame and looked at the girl. "How can I help you, dear?" He smiled at her but flinched because of the light.
She looked at him worriedly. "Are..are you alright, Harry?"
He shrugged and a giggle left his mouth. "I don't know. A little drunk I guess. You wanna come in?"
He let her in and she gave him a look. "You cried"

"No shit, Sherlock" He giggled again and sat down on the floor next to the bed. "You want some?" He held the bottle up.
"That's a 200$ Whiskey"
"Well now it's only 100$" He giggled again. "You know, cause it's only-"
She nodded in amusement and sat down besides him. "I get it"
He drank another sip and tilted his head as he looked at her. "Why are you here Clara?"

The girl blushed. "Well, I saw that there was light in your room and... Well, some fans are worried because there have been pictures of Louis' face-"
Harry flinched at his name and quickly took another sip before he giggled again. "Got pretty beaten up by Zayn"
"Why?" She looked at him in shock and he laughed at her face.
"You should- you really should see your face right now" He laughed and she rolled her eyes.
"I can't tell you why, darling. It's a" He put his finger on his lips and whispered "secret"
The blonde smiled. "Then don't tell me Styles"

He leaned back against the bed and started humming the melody of 'Toxic'. Clara kept looking at him and he handed her the bottle. She took a sip and coughed heavily. Harry laughed. "It's disgusting, isn't it?"
She laughed as well and leaned back. "It is. Why are you drinking that crap?"
He placed his head on her shoulder and looked up at her for a little while.
"Because my boyfriend broke up with me"
"I'm sorry about that" She looked at him in pity and he shrugged.
"Can't blame him. Look at me, I'm pathetic"
"You're not. You're heartbroken"
He looked at the floor and didn't say anything. He felt her eyes on him and suddenly felt her hand brushing through his hair. "You are amazing. You don't need a boyfriend who doesn't see that, who doesn't appreciate you"
He slid down and placed his head on her lap. "But I love him"
"I know, Harry. I know" She continued brushing through his hair while he just stared at the floor and cuddled her legs.

"I want to watch videos of cats and dogs"
"What?" He could literally hear the irritation in her voice.
"I want to watch videos of cats and dogs. On YouTube. Now. Cute cats and dogs" He giggled and looked up at her.
"Okay? Then we'll do that" She took out her phone and started a video a few seconds later.

Harry stared at the screen and watched cute videos. Now and then a giggle left his mouth and he commented how cute they were. But during the twelfth or thirteenth video - he had lost the count - his eyelids started to get heavy. He couldn't keep them open and fell asleep a few seconds later.