safe haven │ larry stylinson

76

Harry's POV

After cleaning the table and trying to keep himself busy with looking at the food - he wasn't able to eat it right now - failed, Harry sat down and played with the rings on his fingers. Did he do something wrong?
He should've told Louis that Taylor was there, shouldn't he?

He bit on his bottom lip, fighting the urge to go over and slap some sense into Louis. Why would he think that Harry was cheating on him? Had he given him any reason to think that?
Looking down at the ring Louis had given him for Christmas he exhaled and let his head sink down on the table. Why did he always fuck things up? All he had wanted to do was spend time with a friend who had always supported him. He had never had any feelings beyond friendship for her. In fact he never had had any feelings for anyone but Louis in that way.

He had tried to overcome his feelings, to love someone else. For years. But it never worked. Neither Camille nor Kendall could do something about that. He loved Louis from the bottom of his heart. But apparently that wasn't enough.
Harry closed his eyes, fighting every feeling. He didn't want to feel anything. He just wanted to feel numb. Why was it so hard to love Louis? Hadn't he shown him how much he loved him?

If it was Harry, he would've told everyone by now that Louis was his and only his. Was he? The voice in his head snapped and Harry pressed his lips together.
He would give everything up for that man. Everything. But everything wasn't enough.
The guilt was eating him up. He should've told Louis about Taylor. He should've done so many things different. But at the end of the day all Harry did was love Louis so much that his heart ached.

"Harry..?" Louis. His voice was weak, shaking. Nothing like the loud and sassy Louis, nothing like the angry Louis. But Harry would've recognised his voice within thousands of voices.
He looked up at Louis, already preparing for the breakup speech. He knew it by now.
But instead of saying something, Louis sat down next to him and took his hand. His hand was cold and smaller than Harry's but he enclosed his hand with his and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry, Haz..- I'm a fucking asshole. I was overreacting- I'm so sorry. I should've listened to you. I know, I know.. Please forgive me. Again. Please.. I'm going to do better, I promise.."
Harry looked at him, into those blue eyes and couldn't say a thing. Louis continued rambling. "I just heard you laughing and I- I got so..so.."
"Jealous" Harry whispered and Louis nodded.
"I'm sorry Harry- I'm always so scared to mess things up and in the end I do.."

"You're so stupid, Tomlinson!" Harry shook his head, suddenly more angry.
"Why would I ever cheat on you? Did I give you any reason-"
"No of course not, Harry.. I'm sorry" Louis bit his bottom lip and Harry shook his head.
"I'm so done with fighting and losing you. At what point will you realise that I fucking love you?! I loved you since you were 18! We wrote a fucking song about it. I won't leave you for no one"

He ran his fingers through his hair and looked in despair at Louis.
"I just thought you might would want someone easier.. Maybe you would try find someone else. Someone who can give you what you want.."
Now Harry was furious. He furrowed his brows and stood up, looking at Louis as he leaned on the table. "Why would I do that? You are everything I want. I'm happy as long as I'm with you. Why wouldn't I be?"

"We can't go on dates, can't hold hands. We can't kiss. At this point we can't even touch in public. And you said you need that.."
"Of course I need that. Because I'm clingy. I want to touch you whenever I see you. I want us to be free. And it crushes me that we are not. But just because that isn't possible right now, doesn't mean that it's never possible. You have reasons, Lou. And I got your back. Do you think I was unhappy in those 5 years hiding before? We were hiding from everyone. Only we knew about us. At least the boys know too now. It's getting better Lou. And I won't leave or look for someone else just because it's difficult. There is no one else"

Harry took Louis' hand and squeezed it. "I won't leave"
Relief was all over Louis' face as he squeezed Harry's hand back. "Taylor told me about your relationship back then. I'm sorry for what I thought.. I always thought that you were looking for someone else all the time. I never thought that it was to cover up.. I was so jealous all the time. And seeing you with Taylor- I just lost it"
Louis explained and Harry bit the inside of his cheek. "Now you know how I felt with Eleanor all the time"

Louis' eyes got wide, realising what Harry just said. "I'm so sorry for doing this to you.. I never thought-.."
"It's ok, Lou. It really is. I know now. I didn't know then" Harry calmed him down.
"Come here" Louis looked at him and Harry walked over. Immediately Louis pulled him onto his lap, his arms tightly wrapped around his waist.
"I'm sorry, really" Louis urged and Harry leaned against him.
"I know, it's fine. Stop apologizing" He answered and felt Louis resting his head on his shoulder.

"No, please. Let me explain, Harry.. I'm so scared of messing up. Because I know I mess up. Everything good in my life, I fuck it up. I told you that, years ago. That I will mess up so you would be prepared. You knew that. And you forgave me. Again and again.
The thought alone of you being with someone else- it scares the fuck outta me. And this tension, this need that I don't want to lose you- it makes me mess things up.. I'm so sorry.."
"You won't lose me. Never. We'll get through this. It will end. Someday. We'll get there"
"We'll get through this" The man whispered and Harry nearly didn't hear it. It didn't seem like something he said to Harry. It seemed like a silent promise.

"So we're ok?" Harry asked and turned around to look at Louis. He needed reassurance. His boyfriend nodded. "We're more than ok. If you forgive me"
Harry smiled and nodded. "I don't like jealous Louis. Although he was really sexy. And I mean really sexy." He grinned and could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as Louis chuckled.
"Sexy, hm?"
"Yes. Very" Harry mumbled and let Louis' hand find its way into his hair.

The man pulled him in and kissed him. Harry couldn't help but grin. As a response he felt Louis pulling gently on his hair, making him gasp. He kissed him back passionately and was about to slip his hand under his shirt but Louis stopped him.
"Love- Taylor's waiting" The man mumbled and Harry exhaled. As fast as the heat had spread in his body, it vanished. He got up and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I love you, curly" Louis smiled and Harry chuckled.
"I love you too. But my hair isn't that curly anymore"
"You're still my curly, babe" Louis grinned and got up as well, kissing Harry's cheek as he walked to the door. Harry watched him open it and adjusted his shirt. Following the heat that had left his body, the pain in his chest left. As fast as Louis had made him feel the tight feeling in his chest, he had taken the burden off of him again. The power that man held over Harry was incredible. But he wouldn't let him know that. After all he would know that, wouldn't he?

Taylor came in with a smirk on her face as soon as she saw Louis. "So, we're out of the woods now?"

Thank you so much for 34k reads on safe haven. It's unbelievable. I love you guys!

What do we think, people? Do you (at least) understand Louis? Would you forgive him?

And another question: is there something (a flashback, something that should happen, etc.) you want me to write about? Let me know. xx