safe haven │ larry stylinson

88

Harry's POV

The plane ride back to England was long and while Louis was sleeping most of the time, Harry wasn't able to close his eyes. His mind didn't let him rest.
Even when the last week had probably been the best of his life, the happiest of his life, his anxiety was really getting to him. He worried about Louis, about his family. Would loving Harry really mean the end of their careers? Would it mean that Simon would do anything to end him? Harry knew that he wouldn't be able to live with the thought that deciding for his love to him would mean deciding against his career in the way he knew it. How was Harry supposed to live with that? There wouldn't a day go by without him feeling guilty. And in a heated argument he knew that Louis would blame him, too.

He looked at the man who was sleeping peacefully with his head in Harry's lap, his fingers running through his hair.
Angrily Harry looked at the night sky. Why couldn't he just let it be? Everything would happen a certain way. He couldn't change anything about it, then why was he worrying?

Because that's what you talked to Joff about. When he felt bad, he prayed for it to get over, couldn't wait for happiness. But once he had a good day, he always waited for something bad to happen. He expected the worst when there was nothing to worry about. Even now, with the love of his life sleeping so close, he could calm down. And Harry hated himself for thinking that way. He never believed that something good actually happend to him. That he deserved Louis.

He remembered not being like that when he was young. He remembered being excited about new things, not worrying which problems might come with it. And Harry knew the day that had learned him to not be naive anymore.

Flashback - days before the Take Me Home tour

"You can't just trust him with that, Haz!" Louis exclaimed and continued less loud. "It's dangerous. We can't risk that, Harry. Please don't" Louis begged.
"But we should. You heard him. We should always talk to them about our problems" Harry hugged his boyfriend. "Trust me please. Let's just talk to him"
He took Louis' hand, squeezed it and let go of it as they walked out the door. Reluctantly, his boyfriend followed as they made their way to Simon's bureau.

"My favourite boys! What's up, boys?" Simon looked up from his paperwork at them, a smile on his face.
"There's something we need to talk to you about" Harry smiled back and looked at Louis who nodded unsurely.
"Please, have a seat" Simon shoved papers and folders aside and they sat down opposite of him.
"What's the matter?"
"Well- we- I don't know how to say it.." Harry suddenly stuttered, heat in his cheeks.
"Just tell me, son" Simon tapped on the wood of his table.
"We're together- like- together together" Harry blushed even more and the smile on Simon's face faded away.

"What?"
"We're-" Louis wanted to repeat it but Simon cut him off. "I heard what he said. Are you out of your goddamn mind?!"
"N-no?" Harry frowned, suddenly not secure anymore.
"We'll just forget what you just said. And never bring that up again" Simon looked back at his paperwork and Louis got up, pulling Harry up with himself as well.
"But Simon-"
"I said it's enough Harry! I don't want to hear about it anymore. Just forget about it. Best, end it. There's no sense in a relationship like that. It's disgusting. And pathetic" Simon scoffed, making Harry feel tears coming up.

"Simon, we just want-" Louis stopped mid-sentence when Simon got up and walked over to them. Harry didn't understand. What was wrong with them loving each other?
"I want to be with Louis" He simply started, not thinking that Simon would shove him against the wall.
"I said, it's enough. Stop being a baby! This relationship would ruin everything we built up so far! That isn't even a real relationship, it's pathetic. I tell you end it right away. Or I'll do that for you. You want to know what will happen if the media gets to know about this? They'll eat you alive. You can forget One Direction. You can forget being on a stage. Fans will walk away from you. You will be left with nothing. You'll go back into that pathetic bakery. And the other boys will be forgotten as well. Just shove that idea up your ass and leave me the fuck alone with shit like that" With that, Simon let go of Harry and he looked at him, frightened. He had trusted Simon. He had thought that he would support them.

Tears ran down his cheeks as they left the room without another word. Louis tried to take Harry's hand but he didn't let him. He pulled away and looked at him, tears in his eyes. "No one can know from now on. We just forget about telling the other boys. Or anyone else"
With that, he left Louis in the hallway and nearly ran towards the bathroom.

End of Flashback

Harry looked down at Louis, leaned down and kissed his head. He had been gullible back then, naive and young. And Simon had destroyed any innocence that had been left in his mind. From that day on, he had swore to never trust someone like that again. To never do something without thinking about it long enough. But that had just made him think frantically about everything. All the time. There was no peace in his mind, ever.