safe haven │ larry stylinson

42

Harry's POV

Harry was the first one to get on the plane. Again, they had a jet for themselves and he greeted the crew with a smile. They welcomed him and he sat down on one of the seats. Hoping, Louis wouldn't sit next to him, he gave Niall a smile who rushed to sit next to him. Amelia laughed and made her way to the seat opposite of them.
Within seconds Niall had put a lot of food on the table. He handed Harry a napkin. "Thought you might like some food. Food is a good idea always. Makes happy, you know" Harry gave him a smile and nodded. "Thanks, Nialler"

He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. His head was still aching from the little hangover. He was glad he had only drank two bottles. It was more than enough for his head. His eyes had been swollen and red this morning but he had managed to make it look like a hangover. At least he hoped that he had. His wrist was taped with a bandaid and he was wearing his favourite hoodie. It was a little oversized but he loved it. It had been a present for his birthday from Gemma. A dark green hoodie that was embroidered with several motives and a little quote on its sleeve: 'treat people with kindness. ( people includes your sister :) )'.

He could smell him before he saw him. The smell of cigarettes, smoke and cashmere filled the plane. It made Harry's heart ache.
When he opened his eyes, he was straight looking into Louis' blue eyes. Harry turned his head and took one of the cupcakes. A chocolate one with sprinkles. He ate it in silence while they were waiting for the others. Louis sat down on the seat that was as far away from Harry as possible. He was thankful for it but it felt like a punch in the face at the same time. Not even two days ago they had been cuddling and kissing each other.

The others came in followed by Simon and the plane started to move only minutes after they had sat down. It was Zayn who had sat down next to Amelia. Niall and he started talking but Harry wasn't listening. He focused on the landscape outside the window. It was over. It really was over. Oh, really? Dumbass. Of course it is. You didn't deserve him. Never. He bit on his lip as he felt the tears coming up and stood up. He made his way to the toilet and locked the door.

Harry leaned back and took a deep breath. The air filled his lunges but he didn't feel like he was breathing. He just..kept going. Don't cry. Don't cry. He closed his eyes and exhaled knowing that there was nothing he could do. He just had to keep going. Just two more shows. Adelaide and Perth. Just four days. Then he would be home with his mom. He could calm down, understand everything. Start all over again and make sure to cut Louis Tomlinson out of his heart. Four days, come on man. We can do this.

The man opened his eyes again and went over to the sink. He cleaned his face with cold water and looked in the mirror. Determination made its way through his body. He wouldn't suffer. He wouldn't allow himself to. Four days. He could break his contract with Simon afterwards and stop this tour. He would. Just four more days of acting.
"You can do this" He whispered to himself, dried his face and left the room a few seconds later. Harry put on a smile and sat down on his seat again. Niall looked at him and gave him a smile as well.

He took out his headphones and put them in. Ignoring everyone around him, Harry took out his leathern notebook. It was the book in which most of his songs had been written down. At least the first versions of them. He opened the book and looked at the last few pages he had written down. All you had to do was stay. Followed by Forgiveness. Then Lemon squeeze. He turned the page and wrote down two words. Be alright.

He closed his eyes and listened to the classical music that was pumped into his head through the headphones. There were so many things he could fill this page with. But he wanted to make it on point, tell the end of the story the right way. He thought of everything he wanted to write down and opened his eyes again. Leaning against the wall next to the window so no one could see what he was writing, the pen started moving over the paper.
I look up from the ground to see your cold and empty eyes
You look away from me and I see there's something you're trying to hide
I reach for your hand but it's cold
You pull away again and I wonder what's on your mind

And then you say to me we're just a dumb mistake
I start to tremble and my voice begins to break
You say this thing we have is nothing anymore
And I feel the colour draining from my face

He paused and bit his lip, closing his eyes again and taking a deep breath before he continued. The words just filled the paper without him really thinking about them. It was just what he felt, how he remembered the last night.

And my friend said
"I know you love him but it's over now.
It doesn't matter forget it all right away
It's never easy to walk away, let it go
It will be alright"

He looked at Zayn for a moment. The man was still talking to Niall and didn't notice. Harry felt like someone was watching him but he didn't dare to turn his head fearing that he could met Louis' eyes. He wanted to be strong but right now he felt as vulnerable as he could be.

So I still look back at all the nights we used to spend
And I know it wasn't right but it was fucking with my head
Want everything deleted, yeah, let the whole year be gone
And when I touched your body, I could tell you're moving on

But it's not the fact that you broke my heart again
It's the feeling of betrayal that I just can't seem to shake
And everything I know tells me that I should walk away but I just want to stay

And my friend said
"I know you love him but it's over now.
It doesn't matter forget it all right away
It's never easy to walk away, let it go
It will be okay
It's gonna hurt for a bit of time
So bottoms up, just forget tonight
You'll find another and you'll be just fine
Let him go"

He took another cupcake. It was a strawberry one this time. Harry took a bite and looked up. For a second his view was blurry. He felt the tears coming up as he continued to think about Louis' words. How easy it had been to cut him off, even after knowing how much he had hurt him five years ago.

Harry looked back at the brown paper and chewed on the last piece of cupcake. He would write this song and afterwards he would put the book away. Put it in his bag and don't think about it until he was home. This was his way of coping with everything all the time. Write a song within several minutes. Put it away. Don't think about it for a few days. Get it back out and work over it again. This would be just another song about Louis. One of the hundreds he had already written.

Nothing heals the past like time
And they can't steal love you're born to find

I know I love him but it's over now
This love doesn't matter anymore,
forget it right away
Never been easy to just walk away but I let go
I will be okay
It's gonna hurt for a bit of time
I know the pain, let's forget tonight
I'll find another and I'll be just fine with letting go
It will be alright

He underlined alright several times and closed the notebook. He tied the knot around it and placed it back in his bag. It will be alright. It had to be.