13 Hours

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

"I AM GAY."

I bursted out of laughing, "Ding-ba-ding-ba-ding," kanta ko sa tukso kanina sa kanya n'ong mga grupo ng lalaki. Pagkuwa'y tumawa ulit ako only to realize that he's just seriously looking at me. Binitawan niya ang pagkakahawak sa 'kin at bumalik siya sa pagkakasandal sa pader.

Dahil do'n, naglaho ang mga ngiti ko. Unti-unting nag-sink in sa utak ko ang sinabi niya.

I am gay.

"No way," saad ko. Napahawak ako sa bibig ko.

Sinulyapan ako ni Liam saka muling umiwas ang tingin, "I'm not kidding."

This time, ako naman ang napasandal sa pader. Unti-unti kong in-a-absorb 'yong sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng sasabihin ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng dapat maging reaksyon ko. Paanong nangyari 'yon? Wala naman akong nakitang ni kahit isang bahid ng pagka-gay sa kanya, eh!

"Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong maramdaman diyan sa pananahimik mo," sabi niya.

It was a shocking revelation. Kung pina-prank niya ako, hindi ako kakagat. I still remained silent.

Bumuntong-hininga si Liam.

"I knew it when I was sixteen. Just six years ago and I know it was too late since I had girlfriends before but I knew it when I started playing with my Mom's make-ups," he explained while smiling bitterly.

Suddenly, nag-pop-up sa utak 'yong mga moments na pinuna niya 'yong kilay ni Angel noon sa canteen.. 'Yong lipstick na nasa uniform niya na akala ko galing sa ibang babaeng pinopormahan niya.

Ngayon, alam ko na..

I bit my lower lip as I look at him. He's starting to be teary-eyed again; out of frustration.

"Diego, the guy earlier, he was my teammate in basketball before. We became friends until I.." he paused and bit his lower lip trying to stop himself from crying. "I don't know but I have fallen in love with him. Simula nang maramdaman ko 'yon, naging attracted na rin ako sa mga kapwa ko lalaki. I quit basketball dahil nahalata ng teammates ko kung paano raw ako tumingin at makitungo kay Diego. They started calling me names; bading, gayshit, bakla. I-I.. even disgusted myself, Fate." This time, tuluyan na siyang naiyak.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko kaya niyakap ko si Liam. I feel bad for him. He's too good to feel that way. Nanatili akong tahimik.

Nasa ganoong posisyon lang kami habang nagpatuloy siya sa pagsasalita.

"Nasasaktan ako dahil wala akong masabihan. Dahil alam kong hindi naman nila ako matatanggap, eh. Kaya I decided to keep it to myself. Isa pa, ayokong madamay ang Mommy ko. Ano nalang sasabihin ng mga tao 'pag nalaman nilang bakla ang anak ni Pia Escuerta? They might judge her.. or make fun of her. Hindi ko kakayaning gawin nila iyon sa kanya." Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap namin.

I wiped his tears and smiled at him. "You're such a good son."

"I love her so much," he said.

Sa tingin ko, na-absorb ko na ang revelation ni Liam ngayon so I smiled at him and held his hands. "I'm so proud of you, Liam."

Napaawang ang labi niya sa pagtataka. "Why, so?"

"Because you're selfless. Alam kong mahirap magtago mula sa pagiging totoong ikaw," I said. "You know what? I'm happy that you told me the truth."

"I trust you so much."

"I know. 'Wag kang mag-alala. Hinding-hindi magbabago ang tingin ko sa 'yo. You're still my superhero and my ultimate crush!" Despite his image in the campus, he saved me a lot of times and he accepted me as his friend. Sino ba naman ako? I owe him a lot!

"Sorry, hindi kasi ako magaling sa pag-comfort. But, I'd just like you to know that there's no wrong of being a gay. You're still a human. Pogi pa!" Sabi ko at pabirong siniko siya sa tagiliran.

"Iyon nga lang ngayon, alam ko nang wala talaga akong pag-asa sa 'yo," dagdag ko pa sabay tawa.

He tried to smile, "I'm sorry."

"Joke lang!" I said then I laughed.

Sa gitna ng pagtawa ko ay hinila ako ni Liam at muling niyakap. Sobrang higpit. "Oy, bakit may ganito? Alam mo pinapaasa mo na naman ako. Baka matuluyan ako niyan sa 'yo, eh hindi mo naman ako sasaluhin!" biro ko.

"Ang tagal kong tinago 'to, Fate. Sobra mong pinagaan ang pakiramdam ko. Salamat," he said.

Hanggang sa bago kami makababa sa rooftop, 'yon lang ang pinag-usapan namin ni Liam. To be honest, I was like "sayang naman, gwapo pa naman at gentleman din." He said that he is not into having any relationships with a guy yet. He doesn't want also to cross-dress. Make-ups satisfy him as long as he do it to other people and not to his own face. That's why I've never seen him as gay. He's too masculine to be called as one.

The only thing that makes him gay is that he's only attracted to guys. Naisip ko, baka may chance pang maging tunay na lalaki si Liam. Baka confused lang siya.

Whatever. Basta kahit maging ano pa siya, I'll be always his friend.

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