Bastard

tired

   Warmest greetings to all. I hope this day finds y'all all in the best health and mood.

    I myself am feeling better. This morning I engaged in a very strenuous workout even tho it hurt like hell. No pain, no gain, right?

   I've been in a down mood, in my feelings so to speak. I'm so tired of being judged. I really don't give a fuck anymore; when I get like this that's when I give muthafuckers something to really talk about.

   Watch me come back from this setback. Stronger. More powerful. Finer😏😂 I always do.

    Only this time, it's taken a toll on me emotionally, physically, and mentally. My mind is corrupt right now. I shouldn't be letting little things get to me but I do😔 Seems like every time I think I'm making progress in certain areas with certain people I get TKO'd.

   Oh well. I guess it's time for me to really dig deep within and scrape up any positivity I have left in me and start a new. I'm so tired of being alone in life. Tired of making myself better for "the one". What's the use. What's the point.

   I need to be better for me. And for those 3 kids of mine. I long for number four but with my luck, aht aht.

   I have three mothers of my seeds, and all of them have shown your boy love this week by coming over to give me alcohol rubs and whatnot. I got to spend time with Damiana and Bria and it meant the world to me. My little monkeys are getting so big, it's amazing how much they're growing on me. I miss them every moment I'm not with them, and lately I cry myself to sleep wishing to be near them.

    I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. They've all given me an ultimatum and I honestly tried to make good on it, but I'm coming out the lesser. They want me when they want, want me to sleep with them whenever they want. These women know I love them each, in my own way, but I just don't see me being with the love of my life, or the other two. They all tell me the same things now; it's like they're testing me to see what I'ma do and who I'ma choose. But they all play with me too much. The mothers of my children.

   I have feelings for all of them, but I don't think I'll end up with any one of them. My love boat for Semaj has sailed on; I love her to death but she still won't leave her husband. So I'm done with sharing. Taz wants to try a relationship, but how? How can I move her in the same house with my sun? Then, there's his mother. Although she's showing me she's trying, I just don't know. I can't give my heart to her. She's done a lot to me.

   I'm tired of fucking. So tired. I want to make love.

   Seems like I'm stuck on wanting the impossible.