Bastard

week 2

   Greetings to all. Sending best wishes and vibes.

   It's now week 2 of the Let's Blame Dad show. Daenarick is still pissed off at me bcuz his lady faire went ayonder. Now here comes Shantrelle with a fresh batch of bullshit, talking about how she's thinking her and Daenarick should go back to New Orleans.

    I don't want my sun going back there. Had Shantrelle lost her damned mind? I asked her if she forgot about the fool who whipped her ass, the fool whom my sun and I had to whip. I know Daenarick. He hard headed as fuck and will fight. I don't want him in any shit and I'm not there.

    I asked Shantrelle what I could do to make it right, make her want to stay, that way he'd stay. She told me that she didn't go back to Nola bcuz she felt we had a chance to start something new from where we was at in life and see where it would go. She told me she had no reason to stay, "seeing how you don't want me."

     So there it was. It wasn't enough that I paid her bills and gave her money to keep her comfortable. I did that for her to stay down here and be near our sun. Shantrelle wants dick.

    Shantrelle as well as my two babies mothers all gave me an ultimatum like I was nothing but a sex toy. They each wanted intimate time, and in the beginning I tried to comply with each. I was surprised to say the least that they were all getting along and on the same page, not being jelly of each other like they tend to do. I show no one more than the rest. They all get special treatment, not just one. I have no favorites like they seem to think I do.

    It almost worked out, until two started going hard and the one seemed to be going thru something. Taz thinks I'm so dumb. She wants me to want her, she gets what she wants from me, but all the while corresponding with my sun. When I asked him about it he told me yep, that he had been talking to her plus going by her place after work sometimes. I asked him if they'd been fucking; he told me yes. He also told me that this was payback for Yrishia.

   I felt as if he struck me. He went and fucked his baby sister's mother again bcuz he mad at me behind a woman. Unbelievable.

    I let him be. It seems to disappoint him when I don't argue back or get wilde, so he thinks of something else he can do. He informed me that he doesn't need me to be his learning coach anymore, seeing how school is almost over and state testing coming up. I told him cool but I was hurting.

    I asked him about going to Nola. I told him real talk, none of the bullshit bravado he's been pulling on me cuz he mad. I told him he should stay down here. If he needed space away from me I'm willing to do that. Whatever he needs for him to stay. The little bastard had nerves to tell me he'd think about it.

    I don't care what I have to do to maintain my sun's safety. So I guess I'm gonna have to dick his momma down for her to get her mind right. I wish she would just meet a nice guy and have a life away from this one. Shantrelle has been acting funny and getting more vocal about her demands lately, that's why I deaded everyone's action. Now they all mad at me.

     I've been trying to chill to myself lately. I know I fucked up before Vday, and I had her in my bed last week, but I haven't been indulging in my sponsor. Not like I used to. Not like I could be. It's been me trusty old right hand...ok, and her twin.

     It's been some special people on my mind lately. People who have blew my mind in one way or the other. People who help my mind keep my hand busy😏

   My mind is a hard road to travel; such destinations await. Right when I'm striving for peace and happiness and light I get drama and sadness and dark.

     To be honest, I don't wanna dick Shantrelle down again. It's nothing there for me. I don't want to fuck Taz, and I don't want to have any sex with Semaj.  These three plus one more have ruined sex for me, real talk. I need something for me, not always to be at others' beck and call.