Bastard

Vday/Mardi Gras Ash

  

      Greetings to anyone joining me. I sincerely hope everyone is doing and feeling well.

     I for one was not anticipating Valentine's Day this year.

     Last year, I received the best news of my life on this day, but I also ended up hurting someone. That stuck with me for a long time, for real.

     I hadn't planned on doing anything this year, seeing how I don't have a woman of my own to spoil. I took on some extra hours at the bar. When I got to work, my boss, who is also a good friend of mine, decided to hook me up with a complimentary suite, stocked with all the amenities needed for a romantic Valentine's Day. I told him I appreciated the gesture but I really didn't have anyone to be with. He called me a horrible liar, said he just knew I had something on deck. He suggested I just take advantage of his hospitality and enjoy the room.

    Seeing how my sun has got his own things going as of late and is hardly ever home, plus I've been keeping my dick out of my children's mothers, I realized there was one person I could ask. So on a break, I called her up and asked if she had the time. She told me she'd make the time, and said she would meet when I'd get off.

      Just my luck, the mysterious customer came in and ordered her usual, except this time she finally talked to me. She asked my name and gave me hers; I'm gonna call her Sweet Hennessy bcuz she always orders it, plus it reminds me of her skintone. I couldn't believe she was finally opening up to me and speaking. She asked me if I was single; I told her unfortunately yes, although I did have a few entanglements here and there. She gave me a pair of eyes, smiled, and declared me as trouble. I told her she didn't know the half.

    I went on with my work, and she went back to studying me. As I'd serve my customers I'd catch her watching and smiling; she'd removed her mask to sip her drink. Before she left she gave me her card, told me I should use it. She walked her sexy ass out only moments before my guest showed up.

    I was genuinely happy to see my guest. She came over to the bar with a sensual look in her eyes. I wanted to grab her and give her a kiss but I was working so I kept it professional. Instead I fixed her a drink and tried my best to will down the erection I got from being in her presence.

    After I closed up, I took her by the hand and we made our way to the elevators. Could have been the pent up sexual frustration I'd been harboring, could have been that she just always drives me crazy, but as soon as we entered the elevator and the door closed shut I was all over that.  By the time we got to the suite we both were hot and bothered and worked up, so needless to say, we made fireworks.

    We fucked. We had passionate sex. We made love. I needed her like one needs air. Lately I've been so lonely and trying to do the right thing but it hasn't been getting me anywhere.  I've been struggling not to suck Semaj's ass anymore, and I've been trying to stay to myself  and stop my philandering ways, but I'm horny and I'm hungry, and I ate well, believe that there.

    We spent the remainder of the night doing what lovers do, and it felt good to be with this person. In the morning, after another round, we went our separate ways, but at least we had our time together.

    During the day, I made my rounds to see my baby girls and to drop off candy and cash. I secured upcoming dates to have my girls all to myself, then spent some time with my sun. The young lord has been coming and going back and forth from his mother's place lately; I'm not daft. I'm sure he has something going on with someone he doesn't want me to know about. But I give him his space. He's not the kind to get in trouble often although he's just like me, ready to throw them hands if need be.

     If my sun has a new girlfriend he surely isn't bringing her around me. It hurts me to know he feels inferior. I'd move the sun and stars for him. I work my ass off to make sure him and his sisters have everything they need. I give him freedom. I don't ask him to pay his way for anything bcuz that's on me. I allow him to be his own unique self.

   When we first found each other, he had so much love for me. When we started living together our bond was strong. But it took one woman for him to resent me. Now, I feel like I always have to redeem myself, or prove myself to him. I love him unconditionally, even tho he's bedded women who claimed to love me.

    When I arrived at work, I was a bit down, seeing how it's a day for lovers, and the lover I'd been with the night before wasn't mine. But I chucked the fuck up and got to work. Valentine's day drinkers came and went. Sweet Hennessy came thru again, but this time she came correct. She sauntered up to my bar looking a million dollars. I'd been instructed to pass out roses to every female customer who came thru, and when I handed her the long stemmed beauty I was holding she accepted it graciously and thanked me. I asked her how it was that she was here celebrating Valentine's Day alone. She told me she'd accepted her fate of being single and was simply enjoying herself.

    Sweet Hennessy told me she occasionally treated herself to little getaways, and was staying at the hotel for one last night. She said in case I hadn't noticed, she liked to come in on nights I'd be working bcuz frankly she likes what she sees and said my energy is exhilarating. I'm glad I had on my mask bcuz I was definitely blushing.

    I got thru my shift and went home to a lonely house, but it was all good. I'd promised Sweet Hennessy that I'd give her a call, so I did. Whilst I was still at work, we were vibing really strong, but I decided to simmer down and go my ass on home, even tho she offered me to go up to her suite with her.  I wasn't feeling myself and home was where I longed to be. Home alone with my fur babies and Yzma. Daenarick of course had slipped out.

    It's like he never wants to be around me anymore. I understand he's a young man and has his own things going, but I just got used to the idea of us being bosum buddies and doing stuff and smoking together. Ever since I bought his car he's been like the roadrunner. Gone. But hey, he comes home for school. And to eat😂

      Mardi Gras day came, and I felt like shit as per usual. But hey, at least this year I did something for me. I stayed my ass in the house and smoked myself into oblivion. And thought. Thought about a lot of shit.

     Now today, this Ash Wednesday, I am still in thought. In pain. Pressure. Then finally release, for I have decided it time to do something I really need to do🙏🏼