Bastard

empty

   I can find myself in the middle of some of the most baddest females around and it doesn't even affect me or matter at all. I'm so used to the mega asses and WAP til I can say I'm good.

   I prefer a more natural type of woman.

   I get offended when some of my female friends assume I prefer a certain body type. I love all shapes and sizes. I don't discriminate. It makes me feel some kind of way when they tell me that.

    Sure I look at asses. I most certainly do. But not just the big ones. Ass is ass to me, and ass is like cake to me, so there. Cupcakes, birthday cakes, wedding cakes...all taste the same to me. I'll still eat that ass whether large or small... I'm just saying.

   The reason I'm bringing this up right now is bcuz I feel like my character is under attack by certain people. I have never separated myself from any woman I had dealings with bcuz of their weight. Never. I love me a big legged woman just as much as I love the slender ones. Weight means nothing to me.

   But the way a woman allows weight insecurities to bring them down gets to me. With all the women I've ever been with on a more personal level, I've always been their biggest cheerleader. Always encouraging them to dress however they liked, not to worry about opinionated people.

    I'm always the one giving little boosts of courage or checking in to see how they're doing. I care. I feel. But according to some, one in particular, I'm just this awful guy bcuz supposedly "I don't want her."

    To her: (bcuz I know you still find a way to read me) ,
Let me be clear. Perfectly clear. Mine tongue never uttered any lies to you when I told you how I was in the beginning. I was truthful and honest, a bit too open at times, but I always told you the truth and even cared enough to give you a warning when I saw how deep you were falling. I never wanted nor expected you to go so far. Even when I'd tell you this, you were relentless. And willing to fall deeper. Madam you made plans with us in mind without my intent then got upset with me when things didn't go as planned. I gave you parts of me that belonged solely to my intended at the time, and yes, we formed a bond unlike any I'd experienced. I'm sure it was exciting to you, as it was curious to me. We were good when we were good. But lines were crossed on both sides by both parties, and I've never not owned up to my sins and discrepancies. I take full blame for the events that led up to the nightmarish ripping out of my heart fuckery. Even after all that I found it in me to forgive and keep the friendship going. But when you gonna sit down with another man and discuss my fucking life and have the audacity to get brand new on me, that's when I've had enough. Not only have I lost the great illusion of the love I so desperately been living to manifest, I've lost the bond with my sun I've only just got to start enjoying. You talk down on me and talk shit about me and Taz and me and Colo but there would be no fucking Taz nor a Colo in my life had I still had a chance at the time with Semaj. You knew how hard I was trying to get her to be mine, to be with me, and I know I seemed desperate, but she was and will always be the woman I considered to be the ultimate for me. You came here knowing I was in love with her and that I belonged to her, then when I was making my move towards you you up and left, but only after getting to live out your Jada moment. You held me responsible, had your nosey ass sister hating me, talking down on my character, all the whilst you got yourself some dick. All the whilst knowing I'm an empath and I feel all that shit; the ugliness from your sister, the fullness and disappointment in your heart when I wasn't where you wanted me to be at the time you wanted. All the blame. All the resentment and jealousy of my children's mothers. Having nerves to tell me about myself...when I told you from the beginning. Our last conversation was the straw that broke the camel's back. You still are clueless as to what I've sacrificed for you. And from what I hear, that means shit to you. It's bcuz I loved her. I loved her more than anything in this world. And for some reason, even tho I know all I do for her and them makes me look a goddamn fool, I really don't care. I laid with these women and created those kids and I will always take care of all of them, as will I do for the next mother of my child, bcuz I do plan on making and supporting more. I wanted one with you. But I never wanted you, right? Time and time again, you always knew it all; my feelings especially...but apparently you never did. I don't even understand what happened with us but I do know this. You shouldn't be discussing my personal life with no dude that doesn't know a fuck about me. And what I'm not gonna do is sit back and listen to you tell me I never wanted you.

     I've had enough strife in my life to last me a lifetime. Y'all think I don't know how fucked up I am? Well, I do. Trust me. I do. It hurts me to know all I've done. But it also hurts me to know all I've lost.

    Women like to play with me. I'm good to get them wet, give them experiences they've never known before, but always taking my presence for granted. Then when I get enough, I'm the bad guy. The villain. My warnings go unheeded.