Bastard

it is what it is

   Blessings upon anyone whose eyes fall upon this.

   It's a lovely evening and I'm hurting a little less, only now there is a fullness I can't describe.

   It's wonderful to have this time with my sisters. We will be here the whole week together and I'm glad most of the guests are getting ready to depart. Only a few are remaining.

   On Mother's Day, Mona Lisa, Ruby, and I found a secluded spot near water and we did a makeshift altar for Mother Dear. Mona Lisa sang her heart out whilst I drummed, and Ruby did the prayers.  We all wore white for the occasion, even me. Y'all know I don't rock white. But for this, I did.

   When we got back to the rest,  my brother-in-law suggested I play for them, either the jembe or my guitar. I felt embarrassed being put on the spot like that but luckily I didn't react like a little bitch. I complied, beating the drum as I was taught to years ago. My sisters began to dance and next thing you know everyone was joining in. There was another guy there who knew the drum and he began to make rhythmic beats on a folding chair.

   Afterwards, I did play a few requested riffs and I swore I could feel Mother Dear smiling at me. I could almost hear her boisterous laugh and her lovely voice encouraging me to play.

   When I presented my sisters with their gifts they were more than surprised. I'd made sure to splurge on them a bit. My generosity earned me kisses and hugs and I welcomed them.

   Cotton was watching us the whole time, having a seat so she could see what I'd bought them. Some of the others were there as well, ooh-ing and aah-ing. The chill one kept smiling at me and the others kept saying how nice I was to do that. It wasn't nothing at all.

   Today I had a chance to speak to someone I've wronged recently, and try to explain just what the fuck I've been doing. Since Cotton is Mona Lisa's guest I figured they'd want time to do girly stuff, so instead of going golfing with the fellas I stayed in my room, trying to right some of the wrong. I'm glad Miss Lady heard me, and it eases my heart and mind a little, yet there is still such a fullness I'm feeling as I type.

   Although I avoided being in the same area as Cotton I could feel her throughout the day. I kept to myself. When the fellas arrived back I joined them for drinks and fellowship. I acted as mixologist and used a few tricks from work to wow their taste buds. When the ladies came in they ran to the bar and each received their drinks. I was talking to my sister Ruby when Cotton came over and joined in on our conversation.

    I was showing Ruby her beautiful nieces when Cotton asked to see them as well. Her eyes got teary as she told me how beautiful they were, and how happy she was for me.  She said she just knew I was a spectacular father. Cotton asked if I was with either of the mothers. Ruby gave me a look with a sly smile. I told her I was a single parent and she seemed relieved.

   I don't trust Cotton. I really don't bcuz I know she's a cop, but she's told me she only joined the force to be the definition of a good one. I look at her and see the po. But I also see a friend I once plant trees with. A friend who got thick in all the right places. A friend who twerked that ass in a white thong bikini for me once upon a time in Gulfport. A woman I made love to. A woman whose sweet little potato stole a piece of my heart.

   I had to shut that shit down. I couldn't be strolling down memory lane. Not right now. And certainly not with her fine ass in my proximity.

   I am weak. I couldn't help but notice her lovely cleavage; she knew what she was doing when she got dressed. I may have looked but that's as far as I allowed myself. I saw, then I moved around and went find Mona Lisa.