Bastard

Gypsy Man

   
     Warmest greetings to all. I hope you've all made it out of 2020 with some sanity still attached.

   The very last day of 2020 brought me to my knees, physically and mentally.

   As a father, I covet spending time with my children. There was once upon a time I thought I'd never know this feeling. So quite naturally, I want them around me. I need to be around them.

   I love and care deeply for my three children plus my three Goddess children. They've all brought me so much joy I cannot bring the feeling into words.

   The one day...the one bloodclot day I had both baby girls plus my young lord, plus my goddess children all under the same roof...during some well deserved rare family time...some cowardice muthafucka shot thru our new home. My sun Daenarick had baby Bria in his arms and both were narrowly missed.

    It all happened so fast. I was in the clouds happy that both of my babies' mothers agreed to let me keep the babies. We decided to make a celebration of it since my goddess kids were visiting. They were doing what techie kids do, enjoying our computers. The little one wanted to show Daenarick an animation she'd created.

   Just like that, a shot thru the glass.

  I gave Damiana to my eldest goddess child to hold and ran outside to see what I could when my heart started in on me. Long story short, I came to on the ground, to a group scared out of their minds.

    I had to tell both Semaj and Taz about the shooting and like I feared, they became worried sick. Even Shantrelle broke down and cried for Daenarick. He was pretty much shook and over the course of the days following he wouldn't be around that  much, staying over at his mother's or friends' homes. I couldn't have that.

   I also couldn't stay anymore. What could have happened haunts my mind.

   So, once again, we have moved. And instead of feeling foolish about leaving a home I'd just bought, I did something kind for someone else. I made the house a wedding present for my sister Mona Lisa and her new husband.

   Yes, so far that has been the highlight of this month, besides the fact that my little ones have made three months. I was asked by my eldest sister to walk her down the aisle and give her to her husband. I was totally honored, but this brought about chaos within the family. Her real brother, the one who always gave me shit coming up, had a problem with her asking me, said it was his duty.

    Of course old skeleton bones were rattled from the inside of old ass closets, and my affair/relationship with Ms. Shirley was thrown to my face. Things were said, and got so bad I drove all the way down to New Orleans to finally beat some sense into some people. I've grown sick of Mother Dear's sons treating me like shit and blaming me for shit. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I was accused of unspeakable fuckery I won't even entertain. Know I got their asses right, and I don't give a fuck how people felt about it.

   By the the actual day of the wedding, both of my "brothers" had to sit back and let me handle it. It was an honor for me, a great honor, to see my sister off to her new husband. All I care for is her happiness. So when it came time for me to give a speech, I tied my heart, pushed away all fears, and spoke truly, from my heart.

   Here, some people still looked at me like I was still that same lost teenager who was sleeping with his mom's best friend, and I hated that. But after spending time with me and my sun over the weekend, they got to know me better. After my gift to the couple, they saw me hopefully, as this man I've grown into.

   This weekend's festivities brought back a lot, plus brought out a lot of people left behind the woodworks. I got a chance to introduce my sun to the people I consider family, and I swear to Goddess, I could feel Mother Dear's presence. She was happy with me. She was proud of me.

   Being in her house again, just brought so much back. I'd rented a suite for Daenarick and I bcuz there was quite the number at the house already and I knew I wouldn't want to have to get into another fight with my brothers. Plus, even though we're all kin, there were cousins and nieces and assorted female relatives who were very interested in getting to know us better. Smh😂 There was way too much drinking and twerking going on.

   Needless to say, the ceremony was a beautiful one, white and rose gold. Masks were required but you know it's always one clown to go against regulations. I pray every one is healthy. I for one was sick from the drinking and my sinuses, but I bounced back quickly after finding Mother Dear's recipe box and fixed myself a little get-right😏 which did the trick. I was good as new to walk Mona Lisa down the aisle, and looked sharp as a tack too, if I do say so myself 😏😂

   I stayed away from my sisters for so long. I've been embarrassed about what they must've thought of me. I'd call and send cards and money at times, but whenever they'd invite me over to stuff I just quit going. They told me I best be bringing my pale ass around more often, said I was still their little brother 🤗🤗 That did my heart some good, I tell you.

    I saw a few old flings from my past, all staring daggers at me. I saw Cotton, the lady officer. She was waiting for me by my Lucille. Said she definitely knew it was me.

   Ms. Cotton asked why I hadn't kept in touch. She said she knew Hassan's girlfriend Karli must've been ready to fight her by now, from the way she has to keep bothering him to get messages to me. She said she knew she was wrong for what expired last time we met, and that the shit felt bad and weighed heavily on her heart. I asked her how Potato was doing and she said she'd been sharing custody.

   "So I hear you've been busy...three kids now, is it?" , she said. I proudly told her yep. Not to be rude but I just didn't want to keep her from her duties so I took her number again and told her I'd reach out...someday. I guess. Maybe.

   I honestly don't feel like revisiting the past anymore. I say that shit but I do the shit anyway, often.

   Take for instance, my sponsor, who is a good friend of mine, who's been there for me during hard times, who I had to quit seeing and calling bcuz of our sexual involvement. A day or so after the shooting I was pretty shooketh and all I could think of were bad things. Doing bad things. My mental health was in a sad state. I picked up the cocaine, then put it down and called her instead. She talked me down.

   I saw the fuckery that happened at the Capitol and was so outraged. Blatantly showing the world that white supremacists get access and guides. Had that been people of color, it would have been a multitude of lives lost, cuz trust the po would have shot them down for being black.

   It was the most outlandish ghetto shit I've ever seen. The world is ugly laughing at us right now.

   Thru all, I'm happy to say that we are now settled into our newest place. My crew stays on deck, they know I've been known to up and move😂. I thank Goddess I have homeboys who come thru when I need them, and I always do the same for them.

    So long as I do all repairs and handy work I can pay half rent. That means another job is needed, and I honestly don't know how I'll manage it all with upcoming gig dates. Yes, in case you haven't realized it yet Louisiana is full of hard headed people wanna go out and party. I know this shit virus is killing people, and normally I wouldn't accept these jobs but I have mouths to feed and people to keep right. But trust, if ever you'd see me, I'm the one with the sage burning on stage. Fuck all that. I don't like taking chances. My clouds of weed smoke and sage smoke have been my armory.

   Plus, I have the elders' magick protection. Whilst in the city, I looked up a powerhouse, laying all my heart troubles on the table, putting my life in those capable hands.

    I wish anyone reading this good blessings and vibrations.🙏🏼♥️