Words of the heart

123 - rant.

tears just cannot seem to stop streaming down my face as i attempt to write this.

there is so much to write about that my brain simply cannot separate each thought and scenario..

i cannot even begin to describe how badly i have fucked up my life yet i want to pour it all out to you.

after all this damn time..

now do not get me wrong, it is not only the bad times that you cross my mind cause truly you have never left..

i still sit here and cry about you and i know if you ever knew that, you'd absolutely laugh in my face which is something i simply cannot handle.

it hurts so much knowing it is no longer an option, but i also do know it is completely myself to blame for it all.

and somehow that makes it hurt all the more.

i can't say i regret it but i suppose i miss the older times when we were still best friends, before it all.

i miss the guidance you brought cause truly it all is so much harder without it, now it seems as though i am making all the wrong decisions and i no longer even see the point of trying.

i know that we have to make the wrong decisions to learn the right ones but at what cost..? it is costing so damn much..

i am struggling so much with choosing myself over others for the first time. just like i've always needed to..

but in these cases i truly do not know if i'm making the right decisions here..

i wish i could just talk it all out with you and have your input that i'll always consider so highly.