Words of the heart

110 - false love for the night.

i struggle to write down anything coherent,
anything that flows or connects.

the thoughts are going faster than ever before,
faster than i ever thought possible,
and worse than i could
describe to any
other..

everything i attempt to write comes out messy and makes absolutely no sense to anyone
other than myself,

which i suppose is just perfect..

it is a truly accurate representation
of myself i suppose.

i am finding it harder and harder to sort these thoughts and to carry myself effectively.

i feel myself falling through the cracks,
i say that so often as i go
through my dips and
" episodes " .

i am starting to sound like i'm telling some old fib,
but i truly cannot express how dire the
situation is turning.

i cannot describe how much i am truly struggling and how desperately i want to scream for help,

i feel as though i am burdening those around me
and i have pushed almost everyone away,

such a lonely and regretful existence it is becoming..

i need to feel loved even for a fraction
of the cold night,

even if the love is not true,

i need to feel like someone loves me
so i have buried my all,

into the complete wrong people.

simply for the fact that i don't think i could handle the intensity of someone's sincere love,

though i am not sure if anyone is capable of providing it anyways right now.

so i do my little dance with the devil,

lose myself piece by piece,

for a simple illusion of false love for the night..

'cause i'm afraid that's all i can hold onto anymore.