Words of the heart

94 - simple update.

i guess i haven't had the motivation to
write in a long while.

i cannot tell if things have been getting better
and i simply do not need to anymore,

or

if things are just getting so bad
that this is no longer even an outlet..

i know it's the ladder but i just
do not wish to admit it,

cause without this i don't really
have anything that's in my control.

it seems as if i have lost my touch somewhere
in between the tears and these sad words.

there always seems to be something that
arises right before the final exams,
something that throws me off
completely but this year
there's many..

it wasn't like i was going to
pass anyways though.

i've really been thinking for a while now,
never whispering a word to a soul about it,
but it always being on a constant loop.

what if i just told my therapist..?

just one of them..

doesn't matter which one..

or what if i just admitted myself..?

i think this is the perfect time..

they'll see i wasn't lying.
that i was never exaggerating.

I feel like that is the only way i will get
any true answers anyways..

but as we all know..
i will not end up going at all..