The Degradation

Chapter 13 - part three

Francois Mitterrand said: "The worst mistake is not the failure itself, but the inability to overcome it."

I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid that it won't work and that I'll lose the small amount of self-confidence that he's given me. – Harry

Song: Anthem Lights - Just The Way You Are

***

We've been dating for seven days now. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. And I like it. I like to gradually realize. Yes, we're officially together now, but if think about it, nothing has changed. We are the same as before. I think about him when I wake up and when I go to bed. That will never change. Well, yes, I admit, I think about him during the day as well. I think about him all the time. And I like that, too. I never would have thought that by feeling something for another person, I would never be alone again. After all, even when he's not around, I still feel his presence. I'm never alone. I think of him, and I hope he thinks of me, too. It turns out that we are always together. We haven't much time to see each other this week. It's session time, and we both have a lot of work to do. We only saw each other twice, and then only briefly, between lectures. But we found a way out. When we're both sitting at our laptop, we turn on our webcams, sometimes we talk, and sometimes we just watch each other work. I noticed, by the way, that when he reads, he can't stop chewing on the pen or twisting it between his fingers. Okay, his presence doesn't help me concentrate at all. But we don't care, because tonight it's Friday night, because tomorrow is the weekend, and we've given up on studying for those two days. Because I'm with him now. I don't know if it's the fact that we haven't seen each other all week or not, but from the moment I went to see him half an hour ago, our lips have hardly left each other. And it doesn't cause me any, absolutely no inconvenience. Quite the opposite. I don't mind not seeing him for months if he'll kiss me like this every time he see me.

We lie on his bed and do nothing but that, kissing. We kissing again and again. And again. We restore our breath and start over. We kiss like a couple of teenagers who are alone for the first time in their lives. We roll in the middle of the bed. I'm alternately on top and the bottom. Our legs got tangled in the sheets, and we pushed Asshole off the bed several times. He sniffed and retreated to the far corner. He sits and looks at us with his head bowed. We don't care about that either. In fact, we don't give a damn about anything. Everything but us. It's the first time we've seen each other in a whole week, and even if it's not a long week... But no, one week without him is a very long time. Too long. We stroke each other through our clothes, and we don't even have to get under them to feel each other. He's lying on top of me, between my legs, leaning his hips against mine, and I can feel that we're in the same situation. It's nice to know that I have the same effect on him as he has on me. That we both feel the same way. That we both feel desire for each other. We keep rolling, and even though his bed is huge, a few minutes later, we are... we find ourselves on the floor. Literally. We fall on the carpet by the bed. He falls on his back and I fall on top of him, which softens the fall a little. But that doesn't stop us either. We continue to kiss, and I can feel him laughing against my lips. His hands were buried in my hair, and I put mine on either side of his face. And, of course, when he sees us on the floor, Asshole doesn't waste a minute. He pounces on us, twirling his tail.

"Asshole, get out of here"

We both push him away and start kissing again. If someone had told me a year ago that I would hear a similar phrase while kissing a guy, I would have laughed in his face. And if I had been told that I would meet a dog named Asshole, I would have laughed even louder. And if I had been told that this dog would belong to my boyfriend, who called it that because he thought I was an asshole, then I would have sent him to a psychotherapist... Now I can say with confidence that I will not change my place for anything in the world.