"There is a Polish proverb that says: "The greatest is the love of a mother, then of a dog, then of a lover." "What is this nonsense? Asshole and Louis love me ten times more than my mother." - Harry
Song: Hedley – Stormy
Leaving Harry was insanely difficult, but I had to. This time was different from all the others. He really wanted me to leave. I know my boyfriend, I know when his " go away "means " stay with me, I need you", but this was not the case. His "go away" meant "go away," and it hurts so much because this is the first time this has happened. It was the first time he'd asked me to leave, and that was the only reason I'd done it because it would have hurt him by staying. It's very hard to admit that he pushed me away when he should have needed me. I have no idea what happened to his mother or what she said to him. Although I'm sure his reaction has nothing to do with me. I did the same thing when the thing went wrong with my father. I pushed Harry away and disappeared for a few weeks. Eventually, he'll realize that he needs me. But not now.
I haven't heard from him in five days, and as ironic as it sounds, the only thing that really keeps me from going completely crazy is because of what his father told me three days ago. I was very worried about Harry, I couldn't find a place for myself, so I decided to went to his house. His car wasn't there, so I knocked on the front door and his father opened it for me. He said that Harry wasn't all right (what news), but that he promised me that he would keep an eye on him and I needed to give him some time. It was the first time I'd ever seen his father so tired, even though with his night shifts, he should be like this every day. It's like he's mentally exhausted. I don't know why, but I trust him. He looks at Harry the way my father never looked at me. With a desire to protect. I didn't ask any questions about Julia, didn't even think about it, the only thing I cared about was Harry. He promised to tell him I'd come and closed the door.
But I can't do this anymore, I need to see him. I don't care if he needs time. It's at times like this that I realize how difficult it is to love someone with suicidal tendencies... hell, I still can't say it. It is at such moments that I realize how difficult it is to love a person who wanted to die and who may want to do it again.
I just need to see him. Make sure he's still here. Just a minute.
I have to be in Uni, especially now, because today is the most important class in the semester. But at 10 am, I drive up to his house. The car is gone again. I open the glass door, and Asshole runs toward me.
"Hey, easy."
I stroke him for a few seconds, then let him out into the garden. I turn my attention to the room: the bed is empty, and it's even cleaner than usual. When he feels bad, he cleans up. I look into the main rooms of the house, but they are all empty, there is no one here, but I still want to check to make sure of this.
I'm about to turn back when I pass by his father's office and notice that the door is open. I bite my lip and hesitate for a few seconds. This is incorrect. But this paper, the one he and Julia were fighting over, is right here. I need to know, it's stronger than me, no one gives me explanations, no one tells me what's going on and I can't stay like that. The room is perfectly tidy. Well, the mania for cleanliness is a family thing. I just stand there for a couple of seconds, looking around the room, because I don't want to go through his stuff, but I'm not going to be there for long. I carefully open all the folders, but they only contain medical certificates, bills, and everything like that. I open the lockers and smile faintly when I come across the same brand of cigars that my father smokes. Okay, now is not the time to think about him. I start searching again, and it doesn't take me more than five minutes to find what I was looking for. A stack of papers stapled together, with "Statement of limitation of Legal Capacity" written in bold on the first page.
