The Degradation

Because he is the most precious one that he has

Song: Lukas Graham - 7 Years instrumental

***

The most difficult thing for Bartholomew, after his son's suicide attempt, was that he had to abandon him. Not literally, he just had to send Harry to the hospital. And from that moment on, he comes to him every day. Due to his status, he could come to him out of turn and at any time. Seeing Harry like this was terrible for him but he could not have imagined spending a single day without seeing him. After each previous suicide attempt, he felt responsible and guilty. He thought it was his fault because he's the father, damn it. Every time Harry tries to commit suicide, it's like a blow to him. When Harry got better, he asked his father not to come anymore. He was hurt by these words. The feeling of guilt pressed harder and harder. But despite how much he wanted to stay with his son, he loved him and respected his decisions, so he left. Every day he called Dr. Stephen to get news, he also talked about him with Louis, but it wasn't enough.

When the psychologist called him this afternoon, he felt a weight falling off his shoulders. They had a session the same morning during which they talked about Bartholomew. Harry confessed that he told his father not to come anymore because he was ashamed. Ashamed of the harm he had caused him to suffer and endure all this once again, ashamed to be his disappointment. He was shamed about a lot of things he did. But even sadder, Harry thinks that his father was forcing himself to come when he had more important things to do. He didn't want to be a burden to him, any more than he already was. The psychologist felt that he had to talk to the concerned person, that Harry couldn't stay with all these thoughts in his head, that he had to see his father to talk about it, to discuss it with him, to succeed in forgiving himself. To succeed in moving forward. Bartholomew didn't understand how Harry could think all these things, and why he feels all this. He never did anything that could have led him to believe or think that he was a burden to him.

It's a little after 9 pm when he knocks on the door of the ward, he waits but there's no answer. He comes in and sees his son sleeping on the bed, he quietly closes the door behind him. He takes off his coat and hangs it on a hanger next to the door without making any noises so won't wake him up. At first, he sits down in the armchair and takes his hand. On the nightstand he sees Harry's diary, a small black notebook, and the book of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde, he knows the history of this book and asks himself how he was able to continue reading it.

He looks around his entire ward, everything that surrounds his son every day, his only want is to get him out of here, to bring him home. He's the one who signed the papers to hospitalize him, it is because of him if he is here, it is a very heavy weight to carry, it was a very hard decision to take. As a father, he feels cruel but he knows that he had no choice, no matter how hard it was, he would rather see his son here than in a grave. The realization that he almost lost him again makes him tremble with fright, he puts a shaking hand to his mouth in an attempt to pull himself together.

Harry starts fidgeting and it brings him back to reality. Bart sits down on the bed and hears him making little groans while moving, he has the impression that he is having a nightmare as he often did when he was little. He leans on his elbow and lies down next to him he takes him against him. He rocks him as he did when he was a child in an attempt to calm him down.

"It's all right, Harold." He whispers softly.

Harry fidgets for a little while, Barth gently pushes back the curls that stick to his forehead because of sweating, and slowly he calms down. He continues rocking him but Harry wakes up.

"Dad?" He asks, his voice hoarse and sleepy.

"Yes, I'm here." He tries to break away from him but Bartholomew keeps him against him.