The Degradation

He screwed everything up

"I never wanted to lie to him. I didn't want to hide it from him. I just wasn't ready. He had no right to see it. I had no right to do that. He betrayed me." – Harry

SUNDAY

Song: Brian Melo - All I Ever Wanted

3:00 pm.

When I opened my eyes, Harry was there. Not in the bed, but here in the room. He was sitting at his desk, his back to me, writing something. When I saw that it was almost 3 pm, I realized that he had left in the middle of the night and returned before I woke up. But I didn't care, he was there, and it was so good to see him when I opened my eyes. It was nice not to be alone. I got out of bed and walked over to him. He jumped as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed the back of his head before resting my head on his shoulder.

"Good morning."

He closed his notebook and took the earpiece out of his ear, turning to face me so I could sit on his lap.

"Did you sleep well?"

I nodded and buried my nose in his neck. I couldn't help but smile, knowing how nice it was to wake up like this. Sitting on his lap and listening to him breathe. He started writing again. I didn't even try to find out what it was. Rubbing my nose against the skin of his neck is much more interesting. I sat there, struggling to sleep, for about half an hour. I don't care if I just got up. It's impossible to be in his arms and not want to fall asleep in them. And I love being in his arms. Not even that... I need to be in his arms. I need to feel him, touch him. I feel good when I feel him. I feel safe, and most importantly, I know he's safe, too. I don't know how to explain it, but he is... Soothing. Even though he was writing something and I was literally sitting on top of him, he would occasionally kiss my temple and stroke my hair. I know I should have gotten used to his tenderness by now, but it feels like I'm rediscovering it every time. And I really hope that after we wake up together, every morning will be like this.

With another yawn, I finally turned around to see what he was doing.

"What is it?"

I didn't try to read it, and he must have sensed it because he finished writing the sentence and slowly closed the notebook. It was only then that I decided to consider it. It was an ordinary leather notebook with a lot of writing on the cover.

"This is my diary."

"You keep a diary?"

He looked down at me, nodding.

"Yes." and he covered my lips with his own before picking up the bag from the bakery on the table.

"I bought some pastries. I took a little bit of everything because I didn't know what you liked."

And we had breakfast in his room, sitting at his desk, and watched funny videos on YouTube. And yes, let's pretend I wasn't the only one who found them funny. So what? I was always easy to made laugh. I think he likes it when I laugh. Because when I laugh, he smiles, and when he smiles, I want to laugh. Okay, I admit, maybe the reason I was laughing wasn't because some guy fell off his bike. So what? I wanted him to smile.

We ate our croissants and raisin bread, giving half to Asshole who was just waiting for it. And we kissed after every sip of tea. It was the best morning of my life. The best morning that started at 3 pm.

At 6 pm he left for the veterinary clinic. I wanted to break all the dishes in the house when I found out that he was there even on Sundays, but I didn't say anything. I know it means a lot to him, and he promised he'd try to get back early. I decided to use this time to go back to my room and clean up a little bit. Put all your notebooks and notes in order before starting classes. The day was perfect. At least, it seemed so until exactly 8 pm. Until I came across a piece of paper that I had long forgotten about.