Wassup,
So, this is the last chapter
of the first tom of The Degradation.
Thanks all of you, for your comments, they make me happy a little bit. Continue to do it, I like it, okay.
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"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive." (c) Josephine Hart
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Song: Skillet – Everything Goes Black
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D-8 THE HOPE.
He can't disappear forever. That isn't possible. He needs those e-mails too much. He's just angry, but he'll come back. He should come back because he can't just leave. Okay, we missed one day, just one e-mail. We can get over this. I'll apologize and he'll forgive me. He's just angry, but he can't drop everything now. He needs it as much as I do. He'll be back. He must come back.
D-7 THE WAITING.
Two days. Two days, I'm sitting in my room, staring at my computer screen. I don't want to see anyone. I texted Liam and told him I was sick. I think I really am. My stomach hurts all the time. Apparently, he's angrier than I thought. Damn, don't do anything stupid... Come back. We missed three days, three e-mails, but he can still come back. He just needs time. Time to stop being mad at me. Only now, we just haven't the time. Only 7 days left. Fuck, Anonym, please, come back.
D-6 THE LACK.
Three days. Three days since he went missing. I refuse to admit he's not coming back. I miss him. I know I didn't always hear from him for 94 days. Didn't get any answer because he didn't want to talk. But this time it's different because now he's gone. Even if he didn't answer, he was here. His profile was here. I knew he'd been sitting behind his monitor for at least a few seconds, thinking about me. Every day, to read my messages, he had to go to my page and see my photo. And to send him these messages, I had to go over his page and see a black square that replaced his photo. It was the thread that connected us. Even if he didn't talk to me, I knew he remembered me every day. But now that he's gone, is he still thinking about me? In the days when he closed in himself, I could just go to his profile to calm down. Even if it was completely empty, I needed to read his nickname to feel better. Six big black letters. ANONYM. Six letters that reminded me he was real. I never told anyone about him, not even Liam. He was my personal secret. And when he ignored me for days, his nickname, his page, reminded me that he actually existed. That any student at the University could see his profile. And now that he's gone, I feel like he never existed. Three days is not a lot, but if you live 94 days with the habit of sending a countdown every day and knowing that it will be read accurately, then when it all disappears, you absolutely don't know what to do. That's the way it is now. Without Anonym, without sending emails, I don't know what to do. I've got this fucking phrase in my head all the time. "We only begin to appreciate what we have when we lose it." That shitty cliché hits me in the face like a punch. I miss him. I really miss him.
And even if I refuse to admit it, deep inside, I've realized for a long time ago that I've lost them both. It hurts the most.
D-5 THE NEED.
"Where's Styles?"
"Look, who's back."
"Fuck, Liam, don't be a jerk. Answer me, is he here or not?"
