The Degradation

Chapter 12

Jacques Godbout said: "Memory is what remains after the action." I'm afraid to do the same things with him and forget everything about her. - Harry 

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Song:  Ronan Keating – When you say nothing at all

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"Did you see yesterday's game?"

"Yeah! Manchester was great."

"Exactly."

"Okay, you guys ready for the game this weekend?"

We're walking through the cafeteria and I don't listen to them anymore. I don't listen because he's here at the end of the room, sitting at the table reading. He did it again. Three days ago, he came to me in tears, in the middle of the night and he did it again. He's gone. The next morning, I woke up alone again. He was gone as usual and left only silence. I didn't see him, he didn't come to class and he didn't answer my emails. I hate when he does it. When he just leaves and ignores me for a few days. I worry about him and every time I try to figure out what I did wrong. I mean, I had to screw up somewhere. He couldn't just walk away, could he? Especially, in the last time, he was really bad. 

"Hello, Louis? Are you going?"

Jake interrupts my thoughts. Guys go to the table. I didn't even notice I stopped.

"Uh, yeah. I'll be right there."

I sigh, gather courage and approach him. No, I'm not afraid to talk to him, but sometimes he gets so closed in himself I don't know how to talk to him without being afraid he shut down even more. I put the bag on the floor and fall into the chair opposite him. No reaction. He doesn't move or raise his head. Okay... Things aren't going well. He doesn't want to talk, only this time, I want to talk to him. I feel anger going up and it scares me. Every time we sleep together, he leaves without explaining. I need to know. I need to understand.

"Will you explain to me?"

My voice was drier than I would have liked. He doesn't look up anyway.

"No."

"No?"

I see his eyes moving.

"Did they take off your splint?"

Yeah, changing the subject it's his favorite thing. But I'm not going to fall for his tricks. I can be stubborn when I want to, too.

"Why do you dump every time we sleep together?"

I can feel him tensing and clenching his teeth.

"I don't want to talk about it."

And without giving me time to answer he abruptly closes his book and leaves. Just like that. Without words, without a single glance and I feel like the last Harry was sitting in front of me. The one who used to leave in the middle of a conversation. I watch him leave the cafeteria in surprise. He can't just walk away, it's impossible. Looks like it's possible because he just walked out the door. It takes me a few seconds to react. Nerves are already on edge. I know I act too harshly and if I continue – I risk even more to piss him off, but... This time, he can't just leave me. I'm going to go crazy if I don't get an explanation right now. I ignore the looks of the guys on the team. I grab my bag and run after him.

He's walking so fast, I'm catching up with him in the middle of the corridor. I turn him, grabbing his elbow.

"Fuck, when are you gonna stop leaving like that?!"