The Degradation

124 days

Song: A Fine Frenzy - Near To You

***

"Are you going to ask me out?

Would you agree?

Try it and you'll find out."

***

Leaning on his torso, lying in his arms, and twining our fingers together, I watch the sunrise over the cemetery.

"Louis... We have to go."

I can feel his breath on my skin.

"No"

"You're falling asleep."

"That's not true."

I can feel him smiling into my neck, his lips brushing my collarbone.

"Yes, it is."

He's still rocking me, and it's hard for me to fight sleep. When we pass the cemetery, I almost fall asleep on the way. How does he hold up at all? After sleeping all night, I'm still dying. He opens the door for me and puts the blankets in the back seat before getting into the car. I repeat all of his movements because we refuse to separate our wrists. He flexibly sneaks to his seat, and I fall heavily into mine. He put his hand on mine, and I silently thank the creators of the Range Rover for making an automatic transmission. The car is moving slowly, and I'm looking out at the landscape. He keeps stroking my hand with his thumb, and when we finally park in the backyard, I do my best not to close my eyes and fall asleep right there. We both leave through the side of it. He leans against the car, and I lean against him, starting to untie our wrists.

"You won't stay with me?"

"Not today."

When our hands are finally free, he wraps his arm around my waist, holding the piece of fabric between his fingers. He pulls me closer, and I don't resist.

"Why not?"

"Because you need sleep."

"Please."

When he looks at me like that, it's insanely hard to resist. I have only one desire: to take his hand, climb the stone stairs, and fall asleep in his arms. But I can't. He doesn't sleep when I'm around, even though our wrists are tied or a piece of cloth. He won't be able to overcome his fears so easily.

"You need to rest."

He closes his eyes and gets close to me, pressing his forehead to mine.

"I know."

It was a quiet whisper. We both know he needs time. Our journey will be slow and long, I know that we will succeed, but right now he needs to sleep. We stand by the car for a few minutes, not having the slightest desire to part. Neither he nor I. He strokes my back and my head rests on his shoulder. I'm looking at his profile. I've never noticed a mole on his jaw before. I run my fingertips over it.

"I've been thinking..." he looks down at me, and I feel stupid again. I bite my lip. "Can you give me your phone number?"

I feel like I'm a teenager flirting for the first time in my life. I don't know how to explain it but he destabilizes me. With him, I feel like I live for the first time.

"Are you going to ask me out?"

I raise an eyebrow.

"Would you agree?"