The Degradation

Chapter 7

Arthur Koestler said: "Suffering has limits, fear doesn't." Not being afraid of pain is the most dangerous, because without fear we can't see limits. I was never afraid of pain. -Harry

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Song: Jason Walker – Cry

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"I can't believe."

"Well, that's enough."

"No, how's that?!"

"Shut up, Anonym."

I sent him a countdown of days "27", and we decided that today we will watch the movie "Inception". We watched it, and everything would be good, but I absolutely didn't understand anything. He started explaining to me. I didn't get it anyway. He explained it to me the second time. I didn't understand again. He explained it to me a third time, and it got worse than the first two times.

"Louis? Are you here?"

"No, I'm offended."

"But it's not difficult. Look, there..."

"I'm warning you, if you start your pseudoscientific explanations again, I'll suffocate myself with a pillow."

That looks like it made him laugh. Then he decided that we should be on an equal footing, and said that he didn't know how to play in 'Tetris', that he never understood the meaning of this game. My turn to laugh. He is a brain of philosophy, who understands the essence of the most complicated film in the world, but cannot cope with folding squares. I tried to explain to him, only: it is almost impossible to explain the rules with words, so I drew a picture for him.

"You're taking me to a grave, you know?"

"Am I not allowed to laugh anymore?"

"No."

"You're cruel"

"Shut up. Take it"

http://08.img.v4.skyrock.net/2920/88262920/pics/3168746518_1_8_zsV2pdJ4.jpg

"... Did you draw a cat?"

"People often think it's a rabbit. I'm making progress."

"To be honest, I doubted it."

"Okay, do you even understand the rules?"

"Not really. The smiley is distracting me."

"Next time I'll send you a Wikipedia link."

"No. Wikipedia doesn't have your handwriting and they don't draw cats look like rabbits."

I don't know why, but his last sentence made me smile. I've been smiling all night. Even though he was laughing at me, I felt for the first time in seventy-three days that he was smiling too.

***

"Make yourself comfortable, the doctor will take care of you"

Then she pulls the curtain from the cabin and leaves me alone. I sigh and look around. I always hated hospitals. The smell of medicine, the disinfection, the white walls, and all that, gives me the creeps. I look all around me, and I rub the edge of my t-shirt. In the end, I sit on the bed with my legs dangling, and every two minutes I look at my watch. Where's the damn doctor? After an eternity that lasted fifteen minutes, he finally comes. He peels off the patch and looks at the seams. One by one, he slowly pulls them back, telling me about his life, but I don't listen to him. I'm too busy. I'm busy squeezing and unclenching a rubber ball in my hand, repeating over and over to myself: "don't think about the pain". I don't know if this is a psychological trick, but it actually works. It doesn't hurt.