It's Way Too High

End of the Day

"Wh- where did you get that from?"

"I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't but the curiosity get the best of me and I can't help but take a peek and please don't be mad at me, I swear I didn't mean to but I just- oh god, please don't cry, I didn't mean to," I put the book on his desk before scurrying over him.

He flinched slightly when I touch him but soon relax as soon as I pulled him to my chest. Choked sob past his lips as I feel his body shaking lightly.

"I'm so sorry, my love. I should've known better,"

"Yo- you weren't supposed to find out."

"I know, love, I know. I'm truly sorry for that," He shook his head at me, pulling himself off of my embrace. I frowned at that, feeling guiltier than ever.

"I didn't want you to see that part of me. I didn't want you to know how weak I was back then, how fucked up my life was and ho- how stupid I was. I didn't want you to see tha part of me that I've tried so hard to forget, the bitter past of myself along with my chaotic life. I didn't want you to see me that way. I thought- I thought I've burnt the book, where did you find it?" He touched the book with his delicate finger, a pained smile planted across his face.

"At the far corner of your shelf,"

"Can you please just forget that?"

"What?"

"What you just read, the entries, can you please just forget that?"

"As much I wish I want to grant your wish, I don't think I could,"

"Thought so," He softly said, a dry laughed escaping his lips.

"A-Ashton? Are you mad?"

"No, just disappointed,"

"Oh God, please, I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that and I know I should just-"

"Not at you,"

"Um, pardon?"

"I'm not disappointed at you. I'm more disappointed at myself," The same pained smile still lingering on his lips as fresh tears streamed down his face.

"But, baby why? You didn't deserve that stuff, at all. You're the most precious human being I've ever met, why are disappointed at yourself?"

"Can't you see, Luke? Even at the sight of the journal it already caused me a breakdown! I wasn't as strong as you all thought I was, I was still the same fool from those days I wrote on that journal and even after years of going back and forth from this and that hell, I'm still the same person!"

"Babe, you know that's not true. What are you on about?" I took some steps closer to him, close enough to catch him but still far enough to leave him some space.

"I need to be alone, please"

"No, love. I'm not gonna leave you when you're in this mindset.

"Just leave!" He snapped at me abruptly, voice roaring through the room. I silently thanked God for having the walls soundproofed.

"No, come here," I opened my arms for him, but he shook his head at me.

I carefully reached out for his hands. He tried to move it away, but I was far quicker and held it in mine, slowly but surely pulling him closer to me. He kept his gaze down the whole time but I could see the hot tears falling down to the carpet-covered floor below us.

"Listen to me and listen well, yeah? You're amazing, Ash. One of the most amazing people I've ever met. And so what if you have a bitter past? It was just your past, some lesson that built you up to the version you are today; the much stronger and independent version of yourself, the much wiser and clever version of yourself. We both know that our past doesn't define the person we are today. It just helped us shape ourselves and built up our thrones. I knew that you know that, so if you think you're still the same person that you are from years ago, you're wrong, love. I love you for you, Ash. You're a boss, you a bae, you a beast. You make it easy to choose. I don't care about your past because there's no way we could change our past. What happened happen and there's nothing we could do to retract it. And I understand that it is scary to face your past again, but it's okay. I got you, I'll still be here and we'll move through it together. You're not alone, love. You just gotta let people in. I don't know what's wrong with those who thought that asking for help means you're weak and just seeking attention. And before you start saying about your trust issues, I also understand that. It's not easy, I know, but at least we try, yeah? You don't need any approval. Good everywhere, don't worry 'bout no refusal. You got the upper hand now. Don't even need a sponsor, nope, 'because you're the brand now." I sincerely said. His eyes were wide, looking up at me with so many emotions swimming in those pretty hazel eyes. I smiled down at him, caressing the sharp cheekbone tenderly. He returned the smile softly, before hugging me again.

"I'm sorry, Lu. I didn't mean to snap at you," He whispered out softly.

"It's alright, I got it. And I'm sorry for snooping around. It has never been my intention to invade your privacy like that." I caressed his hair softly, smiling when feeling him nuzzling closer.

"I always have at least one slip-up depression ever since 8th grade's accident and frankly, it feels extremely nice to pass that scary moment. We may not know what gonna happen in the future and we've promised each other that night so I know that at the end of the day, you're the one that I want and there ain't no other way. I can't promise you this relationship won't be bumpy, but I could promise you that I'll always try my best for this relationship. That, if you're willing to do the same and still want me to," Ashton softly spoke. His hazel eyes holding determination, flickers of hope burning in his eyes. I can't help but smile at how precious he was being, before placing a tender kiss on his lips.

I don't want to be afraid. But the deeper that I go, it takes my breath away. Soft hearts electric souls, and as we speak heart to heart and eyes to eyes, I just knew it. He's my fantasy. The fantasies that now become my legacy. My dream, my everything. Yeah, that's all that matters.

"As long as you're still the man that I've fallen in love that night, I'll always be here,"