It's Way Too High

The End of All Things

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I'm so fxking happy to see y'all
answering to the questions on the
previous chapter and if you wanna know my answers, I'll put it at the end of this chap, so go on read it if
you'd like but if you don't, you
could just skip it, hahahaha
Love you all, happy reading
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Luke's POV

I can't sleep.

Ashton's words keep ringing in my head although I've tried to block it out again and again.

He was lying peacefully on my chest. The tears' stain was still visible on his cheeks. I carded my fingers through his messy hair as I let my mind running miles per hour again.

To say that I was completely off guard would be an understatement, right?

I was half asleep when I noticed him looking distraught than ever but then he announced it and I forced myself to be as awake as I could so I could think in the most rationally way possible. But then he dropped it. He fucking dropped it like it wasn't 3 in the fucking morning and we weren't in a holiday and I just snapped.

This trip was supposed to be our first vacation as a couple along with as a family perhaps. But he has another idea and just hit me like that.

I didn't mean to snap, obviously.
But his sudden announcement along with this hasty decision of his just sent my mind into chaos.

The thing that made me snap was mostly the fact that he chooses to break it off instead of giving it a try at first. Like, I do understand about his trust issues and insecurities but I thought I've proved myself enough to at least be... trustable enough to him?

I thought I've made it pretty clear that I don't want anyone else but him and that I clearly don't give a fuck if someone was about to interfere our relationship?

I thought I've proved it all and I thought he had started to trust me after he opened up about his past and all of those things?

Or was it not enough?

In all honesty, I don't even know what more should I do to prove it to him.

I do know that it wasn't his fault that he has these serious trust issues and other stuff like that. I also know that it wasn't his fault that the owner of his previous company chooses to hit him up when he was here and the time was completely wrong. I do understand that but I still feel... upset over it? Even though I know the reason why he prolongs the time to tell me because he probably suspects my reaction already, but I still am upset over it.

I can't even blame anyone in this case really.

And that what upsets me even more I think?

Or maybe it was the fact that as soon as we're back to Westwood he would be packing his things up and leave again but without me this time. Or maybe it was because I know that in a matter of a week he won't be mine anymore. Or it could be because of the fact that he literally break up with me but also not really by saying it was just a temporary break? Or the fact that he was testing my loyalty and everything else all over again without him even realising it? I don't even fucking know any more!

Like, what's the point of going through a break when you know that none of you would do more exploring and stuff like that? The point of taking a break is to find yourself and what you want, your purpose in life and explore everything possible. I've already found it all; I know who I am, I know that he's what I want and starting a family with him a couple of years from now is also a part of it. I've found my purpose in life and I've done my exploring years before I met him. So what's the fucking point?

Both of us know that even though we're taking a break none of us would go out there and have a one night stand or some kind of affair like that. Both of us clearly realised the fact that we'll stick to each other even though we're not together, 'together'. And many, many things more that people in a break wouldn't do.

So what's the point?

The sad thing is, I know that whether near or far, I am always his. Many things will change, obviously, but the way I feel will remain the same.

This sudden drop of a bomb may hurt me now, but I wouldn't hold any grudges towards him and soon enough, I know that I'll love him and trust him all the same, if not more that's it.

But will he feel the same?
Would that thought also apply to him?

I don't even know.

And that's what has been keeping me awake for hours now.

I could already see the sunlight peeking from the closed curtain, the sky getting bluer and bluer as the sun rises higher and higher.

Truth be told, I didn't get any more sleep after our talk.

I was so sure there's more to tell, but if I know Ashton as good as I think I do, he was probably as confused as I am now. He knew his reason wasn't the real reason, though it was partly true, there's still more to it. He knew there's something more, I do too, but he was probably still trying to figure it out.

I let out a heavy sigh as I watched his sleeping figure on top of me, trying to compose myself the best I can so we could at least have a great time before we have to part ways.

I haven't even think about how Keegan will react to this all and as much as I hate lying, I think that's the only good option for now. That child was way too pure and genuine. I don't have the heart to break it to him since he was so supportive of us. Even before that, he was always so close to me.

How the hell should I break it to him?

Fuck, I'm completely fucked.

This thought and possibilities along with the what if's is killing me, but there's no way to run from the reality, is there?

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1. I've been shipping them since basically the first time I Stan 5sos which is 8 years ago, sooo

2. I honestly believe they share it so I'm fine with both Top! Ash or Top! Luke, don't attack me please

3. I love to write it, it was honestly fun to write that kind of scenes, lmao

4. I LOVE ANIME. My favourite gonna be the "Super Lover" series, it's a BL anime too, go watch it and it's hella cute. But my current favourite is "Jujutsu Kaisen" it's an awesome anime, istg, you should check it out

5. Love P! ATD, SWS, ATL, Good Charlotte, Blink, Set it off, LM, Green Day, Nirvana, Queen, Bonjovi, Journey,(and many more with similar genres) ...

Idk if it's obvious or nah, but
Here are some fact about me :
1. I'm a female
2. I'm 17 almost 18 (it's July 28th)
3. I love to write, to read, I love music, I love nature, I love getting lost and find a new place for my escape
4. Society hates me, I kinda am the rebel to them when in fact, I was and still am just living my life but apparently to them, I was breaking rules and being a complete junkie which I definitely am not
5. Further questions could be asked here and I'll answer xx

But no one probs cares, sooo
I'll see y'all soon
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