It's Way Too High

San Francisco

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Idk to whom I should dedicated this chapter (specially), so it'll all for you guys that has deal with my shit
update for weeks . I love you all xx
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San Francisco was such a beautiful city.

The people were nice, they're friendly and very accepting and they're also pretty humble. The city, in general, is also a nice place. It wasn't as hot, wasn't that gloomy either, the view's good and everything is pretty much in reach.

Our first week here also went by faster than I thought it would be (much to my surprise) but I'm glad about it nevertheless. We were way too busy settling in and making everything as comfy as possible in the small amount of time that we have before I gotta jump right back to work.

And as much as I enjoy the new surrounding with the new house and everything related to this place, I still couldn't feel the happiness that I should've felt by now.

That's the thing though.

It's like there's something that's not at its place. Like, there's something that went missing. This incomplete feeling that I've felt, leaving me all vacant and dejected, and I clearly don't like it.

At all.

And to make matter worse, Luke and I slowly but surely lacking in communication. We called each other less and less day by day to completely texting only a few days after that. That also didn't last long, let's just say four or maybe five days later, that also went downhill.

With me being way too busy with the new company and him with his life along with the small distance between us, it's just getting out of our hands.

That or maybe it was just us that slowly but obviously drifting apart.

The emptiness along with the dejected feeling just grew stronger and stronger with my relationship with Luke on the line and all the stress from the new company. I overworked myself as soon as things started to get worsen with Luke, doing everything in my power to distract myself from the said problem until I literally forgot about everything.

I could clearly see the worries in Michael and Calum's eyes. Even Keegan gave me the same stare during our short-lived dinner time.

But me being me, I paid no mind to it.

Until the day my body actually give up on me and everything just fell apart.

All the walls crumbling down, my hearts shattering on the floor, and tears stream down my face as broken sob pass my lips.

I literally made everyone went through a panic when I just broke down in the middle of the hallway of my office. Almost giving Michael and Calum a heart attack when one of my employees cried out for help saying I just collapse out of the blue.

They almost called 911 if it wasn't for me clinging onto them for dear life while shaking my head frantically.

The two made me stayed at home until they feel like I'm stable enough to go back to the actual problem and they even take a shift to stay at my house just in case I tried to do something stupid or dangerous.

That's a tad bit too much honestly, but I'm glad for everything that they did for me and many things else.

I maybe actually need this break. Though that means more time for me and my thoughts and I just can't help but re-think and regret everything all over again. But maybe I actually need to take a breather.

I wish I didn't have to be gone, and sometimes I was wondering like "maybe he's already moved on'" and I wondered who's the lucky guy, but the truth is I don't want to know.

It just hurts so badly.

It's just getting harder and I can't hold up.

People kept reassuring me that everything will be okay again, that Luke and I will be back together again and things like that. I really hope it was true, but I don't even know if I can survive this day. Though I'm completely aware that they said so because I literally said the same thing to Luke, I don't even know what to believe anymore.

I know I'm the one that made this decision, and I also know that I'm the one that choose to leave, but I've never thought it'd be this hard. I can't imagine how my decision affects Luke.

I look at my phone's wallpaper sadly, smiling with tears in my eyes because of the picture. We both were so happy there, both of us smiling cheekily at the camera, and if I slide open my phone, the picture when I kiss his cheek and he was smiling widely showing the neat row of his shiny white teeth.

I broke down into another sobbing section while holding onto the red flannel he gave me not long ago, it still smells like him and it just makes me miss him even more.

The smell of his perfume reminds me of when we were free. I can still taste him like it was yesterday.

I wanna get back to where we started.

Where we were making plans to rule the world.

But now, all I could do is holding onto memories that I can't let go.