It's Way Too High

Talk Fast

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I promised someone that I'll update
tonight, so here you go

A quick head up to y'all : Soz not soz bby
Bye people, I love you all xx
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This isn't great.

I've been turning and pacing around like a headless chicken all day, trying to find a way to spill the truth to Luke. The thing is, even if I do find the greatest way to tell him, I'll still break his heart no matter what.

Luke being Luke obviously noticed the change in my behaviour. Even Keegan noticed it and told me to not make it that obvious if I wasn't ready to tell Luke yet. I could see that Luke was so fucking desperate to ask me what was wrong but judging from his personality he was probably waiting for me until I open my mouth first.

I was such a hypocrite, how pathetic.

It was now around 3AM and my mind is on a wild drive, running miles per hour as I keep thinking ab{it everything and nothing all at the same time.

"A-Ash?" Luke raspy voice suddenly snapped me outta my thought. I turned my head to see him rubbing his eyes sleepily, a confused and concerned look written on his face.

"Hi, Lukey,"

"Why are you awake at this hour?"

"I can't sleep. It's alright, you can go back to sleep," I softly said, trying my best to force a smile on my face. Much to my surprise, Luke shook his head and get up from the bed to approach me by the window.

"Is something bothering you?" I sighed at his question, not expecting him to finally give in to his desperation.

"There's something, isn't it?" Luke asked again. He sat by the window sill, before pulling my body into his warmth. Gentle touch caressing my hips, as he waits patiently for my reply.

"... Y-yeah..."

"Is it about the press?"

"... No," I took too much time to answer such a simple question. If that wasn't dumb, I don't know what is.

"Was it me then?"

"I... no, it was... it was me,"

"Are you alright?"

"I... yeah, b-but... w-we... might not be,"

"We?" I sighed again, subconsciously leaning my forehead on his chest to hide the frown on my face.

"I-I... have something to tell you, b-but I don't know how you'll take it or if you'll be mad or no or if it'll affect us or no. Well I do know that it will but I was trying to run from the possibilities and I know it was dumb of me to do so, I should've just told you right away as soon as I find out but I kept it to myself instead and I thought if I could find a better way to approach this topic it'll go smoother but we both know I suck at that stuff and now you'll probably gonna be mad at me, hate me even and... And..."

"Ash, babe, breathe," right...

"You didn't kill anybody, did you?"

"No, no, I didn't,"

"You didn't cheat, did you?"

"No, of course not, you know I hate cheaters,"

"Then it's alright, I won't hate you. Whatever is this, we could talk it out like we always did, okay?"

"No, no, Lu. This... this is different,"

"Is it worst?"

"Uh?"

"Than killing people or cheating I mean,"

"No, or I thought it wasn't,"

"Okay, take your time," Luke carded his fingers through my hair gently, massaging the scalp ever so slightly while he hummed to a random tune. I can't do this to me, I just can't. But I also know that I couldn't avoid this topic even more.

"We- I... I'm moving,"

"Pardon?" I could feel the tension thickening and the sudden breeze of nerves running down my spine.

"I-I... I got promoted. To be an owner instead of a CEO b- but I... have to move away."

"For how long?"

"Until I retire, I guess... The new company will be completely and utterly mine albeit I was retired, the next owner gonna be Keegan, therefore, we'll be there for the rest of our life... or at least until one of us decide to open another new company in a new country or something but that seems impossible because I'm not that wealthy not smart enough to build a new one across the world,"

"Where are you guys going?"

"San Francisco"

"When?"

"A week from now,"

"So, three days after you arrived back in Westwood?" Luke's tone sounds so cold and distant. Though his touch remains the same and his body remains composed, I knew he was just as nervous as I am.

"I... yes,"

"When were you planning to tell me?"

"I don't know, Lu. I truly don't. That's the thing from the beginning. I didn't think that this trip going to be my last trip with you guys. I never knew that this trip would bring more sorrow instead of joy. I totally don't. But then, the owner chooses to call me right before the conference and announce it like it was no big deal. I was so afraid this would happen, I'm so sorry, Lu."

"I'm not mad if that's what worries you,"

"Y-you're not?" I instantly looked up at him, trying to find a hint of lies in his eyes but found nothing.

"I was taken back obviously, but I'm not mad."

"O-okay..."

"What are you gonna do then?" I bowed my head again, frowning at the thought of making this decision.

"...I don't know. Both you and work mean a lot to me. You two are the things that I've been dying to have for as long as I could remember. But with my trust issues and insecurities and other possible stuff that might happen, all the 'what if' and the doubt and everything else... I'm not so sure..."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I..."

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I'll just leave it like this
😘🙃

I'll see you soon, people
Don't hate me that much
love you all xx

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