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floweryash so is gonna kill me
Sorry in advance if there's no
more updates bcs I'm dead
After being killed 🤭😂
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"I... You do know that I love you, right? You do know that I've never loved someone like I love you?"
"What are you trying to say, Ash?"
"I don't know what's the right decision that I should make but I want you to know that I do love you from the bottom of my heart and with everything in me therefore I can't be that selfish and snatch you away from your dream, your hometown, and everything else that you've worked so hard for. I know it was still so selfish of me and I know that either way it'll leave us broken, but- but there's no other choice. It's not that I don't trust you because you know that I do, I just..." I tried my best to hold eye contact with Luke, trying desperately to read his emotion but it was nothing but a blank canvas.
"You don't trust yourself. You don't trust our bond. Yeah, I got it," A pained smile crossed his face, blue eyes screaming in pain and so many things else.
"I'm so sorry, Lu. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry I treated you so poorly and break your heart like this. It was never my intention, I hope you know that. You deserve so much more than me, a man that has no stability of mind and way too much issue in his life. I'm so sorry I dragged you into this mess I call my life, I'm sorry for everything,"
"Ashton, did you hear what you just say?"
"..." I said nothing as I feel granules of tears slowly tricking down my cheeks.
"You're none of that, okay? In fact, you're the best person I've ever met, Ash. You treated me with nothing but love and respect and that was more than I could've asked for. And so what if you have some issues? Aren't we all a tad bit fucked up in our head? It's completely normal, babe. That doesn't make you any less than other people. I love you for you, with all of your issues and everything that comes with you. I don't care if you call it a mess or whatever. That was what makes you... well, you. So tell me, Ash. What were you actually trying to say?"
Even though his eyes held so much pain, he still put my well-being before his, caressing my damp cheeks gently with his thumb, wiping away the fallen tears as a soft but pained smile dance on his face.
"I want you, but I can't. I can't just ask you to move away with me and sacrifice your dream, your memory of your hometown, and everything else you've worked so hard for just for the sake of my sanity and ego. I can't be that cruel to you and as much as this pained me I think this is the best."
"Can we pretend that we're fine until we're back to Westwood? I promised Keegan he'll have the time of his life with you and me here along with Michael and Calum,"
"I'm not breaking up with you, Luke. I just... I just thought it'll be better for us to focus on our own life individually once I moved, l-like... taking time apart from each other? Y-you could date another man if you would love too, you could even go back to the club and have a swing if you want to, you know do whatever you want, I'm not gonna forbid you to do that,"
"I know you won't but we both know that I'm not gonna do that,"
"I- I know... I'm sorry," I feel so ashamed of myself. Spitting out false truth like it was nothing when in fact in tore me to pieces. I let the silence took over and focusing my mind on fiddling his sweatpants' string instead.
"If we're not ending things, then what are we?" His soft voice whispered out quietly.
"W-we...are taking a break? You know what I mean?
"Is that what you want?"
"It's not, but it's for the best,"
"Says who?"
"Lu, please..." I looked up again at him, desperately trying to end this discussion already. I can't bear the agony that swam around in his eyes, the crack that laced with pain in his voice, and the composed façade he showed off, I just can't.
"So we'll take a break once you've moved and there's no restriction on what we could do to another person as long as we're still in the break. Is that what you meant?"
"I- yeah, I guess so,"
"Anything else?" I shook my head at his questions, my eyes already back on my sweaty hands.
"You do know that I won't cross the line even though there's no restriction, right? Like I do know you won't,"
"I- I do..."
"So what's the point on this break, Ashton?" He finally spits out. Frustration was clearly visibly on his tone and face and I can't help but bowed my head lower in total shame. I was such a bad human being.
"I- If we're meant to be, we- we'll meet again right? W-we'll find our way back to each other again, right? I-I want t-to prove myself. I-it feels weird that I could trust you with my life but I couldn't even trust myself completely, moreover trusting our bond a-and I thought... this break would help me get myself together." Yeah, even though it hurts like hell.
"Are you telling me the truth or were you just trying to come out with a reason?"
"I-It's the truth," no, it's not. Because I don't even know what the fuck I want.
"Alright,"
"A-alright?"
"If that's what you want then I respect your decision,"
"Y-you're not gonna say anything?"
"What's the point on me saying stuff here? You've made up your mind,"
"Lu..."
"No, no, it's okay, I'm fine. It's just a lot to take in, but I'm okay. Can we just go back to sleep now? Or do you want me to sleep on the couch as well?" I could hear the sarcasm in his sentence so I shook my head and grabbed his hand in mine before slowly dragging him towards the bed.
I curled up into him instantly, putting my head on his chest as silent tears still streaming down my face. He wrapped his arms around my waist, but it feels so tense instead of relaxing.
I leant up to kiss his jaw chastely, mumbling a small "I love you" before putting my head back on his chest. I know he didn't completely believe me. He was a smart guy, sooner or later he'll find out the actual reason and we'll have the actual talk as well.
But for now, I guess this is enough.
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There. It's out now
Don't bother thinking it's done
though, it's about to get more
problematic, hahahaha
Anyway, I realized I've never asked you guys anything even though I said I wanna get to know you and instead I ask you to ask ME stuff. I'm weird, sorry but here are some questions that I TRULY WISH you would answer:
1. Since when have you shipped Lashton?
2. Who do you prefer to tops?
3. Are you okay with the smut and stuff like that in my story?
4. Dya guys love anime? If so, what's your favorite?
5. Other band/musician that you love besides 5sos?
That's all for now I guess
I'll be back soon
XOXO
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YOU ARE READING
It's Way Too High
FanfictionAshton always was (and still is) so picky and sceptical about the idea of "Marriage". He want his husband to be exactly what he imagines because he thought that was what he wants and he believes he needs in a man. With that being in mind, also come...
