New York, to Massachusetts and Connecticut: Come on, Mass. You guys gotta create a diversion.
Massachusetts, sarcastic: What do you want me to do? Dress in drag and do the hula?
[five minutes later]
Massachusetts, with a flower in his hair, a lei, and a grass skirt: Luau~
~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado: happy birthday BIIITCH!
Nevada: so you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?!
Colorado: happy birthd-
Nevada: [smashes cup on Colorado's face]
Nevada: BITCH!
Nevada: Stay out my mother [tech glitch] house bitch. She got the game [Tech glitch] up
~~~~~~~~~~
Florida: Prepare for trouble!
Louisiana: Make it double!
~~~~~~~~~~
DC, checking out at the store: They're gonna need nutrition.
Store clerk: How many kids you have?
DC: 50.
Store clerk: So I'm assuming your kids really like apple juice.
DC: Oh no baby, they love orange juice but they've been bad this week.
Store clerk: What grade are your kids in?
DC: 16th grade.
Store clerk: 16th grade that's not even a grade. So your kids graduated college?
DC: No, no. Where are my kids?
~~~~~~~~~~
Any non Midwest state, on the phone with a Midwest state: Hey man, question, umm... Do you know where I can save big money?
Any Midwest state: At Menards.
Any non Midwest state: At Menards?
Any Midwest state: At Menards.
~~~~~~~~~~
New York: I'm not doing that.
Florida: Would you do it for a Klondike bar?
~~~~~~~~~~
New York: [angry yelling and death threats]
The Fandom: Aww he's so cute and cuddly!
~~~~~~~~~~
Florida, having consumed enough caffeine to kill three horse, crawling around the room rapidly: WHERE ARE THE FRESH CHILDREN FOR ME TO FEAT UPON????
DC, holding up a cross and baking himself into the corner: whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK
~~~~~~~~~~
California: I want to be a caterpillar.
CDC: Explain?
California: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.
CDC: You know that they have a lifespan of like two weeks, right?
California: That's another highlight.
DC: California nO-
~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire: Remember when you dared me to lick that swingset?
Vermont: No, I said "New Hampshire, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and did it.
~~~~~~~~~~
New York: Goddammit
Illinois: HEY!
Illinois: [takes out a corn snake he's been hiding in his sleeve] Never swear in front of Gerald!
New York:
YOU ARE READING
Ben Brainard State Headcanons, One-shots, and more
FanfictionI do ships, I have another book that is just x reader. For you Ben Brainard Fans. Enjoy! Feel free to request
