Peter's Journal

What's the Point?

**Man, I hate going back here because it brings back memories, but I think this story could fit Spider-Man.

It's just an endless cycle. The same thing over and over again over periods of time. I never asked for this much less did I ever think I would want to become this. The powers came from a radioactive spider bite, but the role was forged by trauma. It was a dream that soon became too real to even be considered a dream anymore. It's felt like a nightmare.

Everyday, this Spider-Man thing I used to call an escape... It becomes the thing I loathe the most. I used to feel so free up above the sky shooting webs to get to point A to point B. Now, it's a dreadful part of my day wondering if I'll make it on time to save whoever needs help. Because if I don't, I get blamed for it. Whether I'm there on time or not, I'm always blamed for it. Either it's J. Jonah Jameson or myself... It's all the same. Spider-Man gets blamed.

Then people will shout it out in the streets. How I'm just attracting trouble. How I'm no use if I have all these powers but can't catch the girl who fell off the bridge. That nothing I do will be enough.

I know I do this because I made a promise to atone for my sin. To make up for the mistake of not stopping that thief just because I was selfish. But I didn't have to take it this seriously. He just wanted me to be a good person. A decent person.

Why do I do this? What's the point if everything I do just seems to make things worse? Why do I keep doing the right thing when it seems to come at my expense?

A reporter runs up to me just as I'm about to zip away to my next vantage point. He holds the microphone over his mouth and says, "Spider-Man, it's been years since you first took New York City's collective heart. Many adore you and your colorful costume has become iconic to the whole city-"

People start to flock towards us, and I stand frozen as he goes on.

"A boiling question many New Yorkers have been asking themselves is: Why?"

"To be honest, I don't know why either. A spider bit me and for some reason I could climb walls after that."

The crowd chuckles along with the reporter and one of them shouts, "Good one, Spidey."

The reporter regains his composure and responds, "No, my friend. Let me get a little more specific. Many New Yorkers want to know what drives you. What is your motivation to be Spider-Man? Why are you Spider-Man?"

"Well, I can tell you're not one of Jameson's because I know he'd only care about why I haven't been thrown in jail yet. But well..."

Before I knew it, a lot more people had accumulated around us. All these people wanted to know why I kept doing this. I wanted to know why Spider-Man hasn't hung his webs yet.

Then people started chiming in. "Hey, Spidey! Tell him how you saved me from a mugger last week!" Another shouted, "Remember when you saved my cat from a tree?" "Hey, thanks for walking me across the street! That was so kind of you!" "Spider-Man saved me from that creepy guy from the other day!"

After a while, it was all just noise. I couldn't distinguish anything being said for a few a seconds.

"Because of you, Spider-Man, I was able to see my nephew again when I thought I'd die to that gun man."

That line hit something. A sense of fulfilment went over me. For some reason, it felt like I just saved someone's nephew from the agony I've been through.

"I doubt I've saved all of you at one point or another because New York is just so big.... But uh... Mr. Reporter, I do it because I have to believe something good comes out of helping others without needing any other reason but just because it's the right thing to do. Lately, it's felt that a lot about being Spider-Man comes at my expense, but what's a few broken bones when an uncle can see his nephew again?"

Police cars zoom past us. "Excuse me, that's my cue," I announce. As I swing by, the crowd cheers and shouts after me. The further I swung, the more the crowd's size was put into perspective. They were such a small group of the city's population, but even then, it felt gratifying. Many would want more to cheer them on... But I think it's those few that make it worth while being Spider-Man. The few that make me feel grateful I took Uncle Ben's promise too literally.