Peter's Journal

Double Time

**This right here is pure shit post. You'll probably recognize some lines. There's also inside jokes, so if you see traits or things you know is not true to the actual character, it's an inside joke. THESE ARE JOKES.

Gwen, Miles and I sit at the table finishing up our meals from McDonald's.

Suddenly, I open my stupid ass mouth and say, "You know, I think I'm gay."

The two of them look at me with different expressions. Miles looks confused while Gwen says, "Dude, you're gay as shit."

"What makes you say that?" I reply.

"I've seen the way you look at that guy," Gwen smirks.

"It's a joke between a friend and you, that's why I do those things."

Miles asks, "You're gay?"

And I said no. You know, like a liar.

*****

Over the phone, Miles calls me asking for back up.

"PETER HELP, THEY'RE ABOUT TO STAB ME WITH A KNIFE."

My depressed ass that uses quips as a coping mechanism says, "They're not supposed to be doing that. That's illegal."

I hear a loud THWACK! over the phone followed by Gwen answering, "What the fuck, man? Would you have liked it if you were about to get killed and we give you a quick instead of actual help?"

"I mean, I'm not afraid to die."

Miles shouts, "P E T E R  N O."

*****

As I crawl down the alley, I spot the gang police are searching for. There's about five members attempting to break into a building, one of them being a midget.

"Woah there, guys. What's with the package?"

Confused, they ask, "What package?"

"The midget with you four."

The small man eyes me and says, "Hey! Watch it, bug! Don't use that word again!"

"Midget?" I question tauntingly.

He points at me yelling, "DON'T CALL ME THAT. IT'S AS BAD AS N WORD."

"First of all, no. You know how I know? Because neither of us wants to say what the N word is."

*****

Gwen asks both Miles and I, "So who's stronger based on powers?"

Before I could say it was me, he beats me to it and replies, "Me because I can say the N word."

Looking at the ground, defeated, I say, "Shit u rite."

*****

While battling Venom, Miles blasts the alien with a charge and part of the symbiote latches on to me.

As the extraterrestrial coats my body in black, I laugh manically announcing, "Yes... Now I can say the N word."

Miles looks at me with an expression I can only describe as, "Yo what the fuck is wrong with you?"

*****

The team gathers in kitchen as I'm about to make an announcement.

"Guys..." I start, "U h... How do I say this?"

I eye the plates and dishes in the sink and say, "I'm saying this once and that's it."

"Alright."

"You see those plates and dishes over there? I think they look hot."

Gwen screams, "OH MY GOD! IT'S OKAY! YOU BE YOUR SELF! EXPRESS YOURSELF HOW EVER YOU WANT!"

Miles joins in and says, "Yeah man, it's okay. There's no shame in a man who loves to cook."

Gwen shoots him a lot of disappointment. "That's not... Geezus."

I slap my hand on to my face in disappointment thinking, "Why are you like this?"