Peter's Journal

That's What You Think

**I know Spider-Man never grew up with his parents. This is just...well, someone will figure it out.

I get home from school and grab some pizza from the box on the counter. "Oh wow. A whole pizza. At least I can eat an actual meal for once," I said to myself.

Since school work and Spidey stuff would come up frequently, I rarely had eaten an actual full meal. Maybe a few saltine crackers with two bottles of water for lunch once in a while. Dinner was either cereal, microwave food, or just milk. Breakfast was usually nothing. My metabolism was really screwed up.

I toss my mask on to the table and sit next to it with my plate of pizza. The clock on my phone read 3:57pm. "I still have some time to myself before Dad gets here." Usually, my dad arrives home from work at four thirty in the afternoon.

As I ate my pizza, I tweaked the mask's lenses to make them like a one way mirror. People have told me lenses like that actually scare the crap outta people. Like Darth Vader only I wear a spandex and shoot webs out if my wrists. Might as well add them.

I heard the lock on the door move, and I shoved the mask down my backpack. "Hey, mijo," my dad greeted. "Hey." "Oh, you already ate?" "Yeah." "Ah ok."

He went to his room while I moved my back pack to my room. I had quite a bit of things on my mind. My friends haven't been having as much luck as I had this past week. My best friend had to go through a breakup. Luckily, she seems to handle it pretty well. One of her other friends took my position for once and counseled her. Prior to that, I had found out something heart breaking during the weekend. I wish I had some to talk to about it, but I couldn't tell my parents. All I could do is cry.

My dad suddenly walks into the room and starts, "Your mom took money from the damned envelope, right?"
I was caught off guard and responded, "I don't know. Why?"

"I'm missing about $100 from the money we raised. She must've used the money to buy those pizzas on the counter. I'm sick and tired of the this crap," he answered.

I knew what was about to happen. It always happens. My parents always complain to me about things they do to each other they don't like to me. They both do it to only me. Why? Because I comprehend more than any regular kid my age would. I understand.

His face started to change. "I'm really getting to my boiling point. I've had it with your mom. She's always making me suffer. She'll use you guys as a way to make me suffer. I've noticed that whenever I want to do something with you guys, she has an explanation for you on why I should leave you guys alone. You do it a lot with her," he explained.

Anger started to swell within me. He blamed me for something I don't do. I answered him, "Mom doesn't tell me to lie to you and say no because of whatever reason she can think of. I tell her I don't want to. She's the one who gives you the excuse. Not me. I wish she would stop doing that and let me tell you myself. She also pisses me off a lot. And I-"

He raised his voice. "No. I'm seeing that you're becoming like her. Eventually, you're going to start lying to me for whatever reason. I just want her to stop."

"Then why don't you tell her to stop?"

He stared at me blankly. I knew he was surprised I answered back. It was enough for me. Yet he continued.

"Look, she's not helping me at all. She's always claiming I do nothing and that I'm worth nothing. But who's the one who pays the bills? It's me. I'm the one who pays the bills. I'm the one who pays for the light. I'm the one who buys you guys food. I'm the one who's doing everything here. All so I can get insults from your mom?"

I couldn't hold back anymore. I, too, raised my voice. "Ok. Then you tell her everything you just complained to me about. I'm not the one who's causing you this trouble. If I were you, I'd tell her how she's making you feel. I know she's stubborn, but I would still make her understand what you feel. Maybe you need to tighten your belt for once. You always claim that you want to yell at her. Go ahead. At the end of the day, I'm still going to suffer. Doesn't matter what action you take. You're always complaining about other things too like your back pain. You easily let your problems stop you. Because of that, I'm also doing that to myself. Now that I see what that leads to, I'm going to stop that."

There was silence between us."I'm sorry... I just came back from a heated argument with my supervisor and your mom had called me telling me about a bill.  I'm just so frustrated that you wouldn't have the slightest idea of how I feel."

"That's what you think. Have you ever felt like you couldn't tell your parents anything at all? Especially the great things? Like events in your life that made you feel happy? I know you don't. Much less can I tell you the situations I have to help my friends through at school. I had to support my best friend when she needed me the most especially after I needed her so many times and was never there. I've always been on my own trying to solve situations at school until I found someone who cared about me as much I cared about her. That girl promised me she would help me make the right decisions and be by my side when I would make them. You don't know what it's like to constantly worry about a friend who might be hurt at home from domestic violence. I'm in the top classes in school. The pressure is far greater than it was for you in your day. I'm taking classes you didn't even dare take. You've never suffered from sleep deprivation either. There are days I feel like absolute shit and I still need to keep going. Days that I feel really low that I don't want to exist. I get sensory overloads sometimes and my surroundings seem like they're against me."

My dad stood there. He had an expression of embarrassment and concern on his face. I stood up and pulled my costume. "And you know what? I'm Spider-Man. I'm a hero to some people. I don't feel like I'm worthy of the title, but I fit the definition. I make sacrifices in order to make other people's lives better. At this point, I don't care about making my life better because I'm on the right path. I don't deserve anything more or anything less. I don't have your  support much less Mom's, but I have my friends' support. I do this because I don't want anybody to experience what I'm going through."