Peter's Journal

You're Worthy

New York looked as lively as ever during the night. People were talking, laughing, having fun... Meanwhile I just sat on the ledge of a building. It was a bit cool but not too cold either. It was alright for my liking. (Thank God it's not too cold because these spandex don't insulate anything.)

I gaze at the lights that illuminate the trees in Central Park and sorta feel a longing to just feel alright. I just want to be able to let go of whatever's bothering me and go have a great time somewhere. But I can't. Because things have happened and I can't stop over thinking and considering the possibilities of what if it went another way.

I take a blue note I have saved inside my wallet and just read it to myself. Most of it was cliche... Some of it lost it's meaning. But there was one line in it that always gives me this warm feeling inside. It was reassurance that what I do meant something.

Suddenly, the note almost flew out of my hands, and I webbed it on to my wallet. The wind kicks up even more. I crawl down the side of the skyscraper and the source identifies himself.

"Hello, man of spiders."

Holy shit it's Thor-

"-THE GOD OF THUNDER." I shouted in amazement.

Thor chuckles heartily. "Yes, yes. The son of Odin."

"What brings you here, Thor? Don't you have stuff to do in the other nine realms?"

"Not at the moment. It got boring there, so I decided to visit Midgard. It too has beautiful scenery."

His comment took me aback a bit. "What do you mean 'it got boring there'- You people get to fight monsters and explore planets and new lands."

"Although I can have such adventures, I believe there are other things that bring the same, if not more, joy. Much like how this place brings back memories."

Thor stared into the skyline then turned his gaze to what used to be Avengers Tower. He set his hammer down right next to me and spoke.

"I recall back when a giant hole let in an army of aliens... And I took part in the glorious battle of New York alongside Earth's mightiest heroes. Such noble and strong characters they were. Never have I met such warriors with conviction like Captain Rogers... Or accuracy like Clint... Intellect and snobby humor like Stark... Haha. No rage like Doctor Banner's. Much less have I ever met a woman like Natasha who grew as a person because of the team and what we all went through together."

He paused for a bit and exhaled.

"Loki was atop the structure leading the attack. Him and I exchanged blows. The Avengers defeated my brother, and both of us returned to Asgard." The Norse God chuckled again. "He was so mischievous. That tricky bastard."

I kinda didn't want to laugh because he did want to enslave all of Earth...

"Following those events... The Dark Elves attacked Asgard... And..."

Thor's expression warned me something had happened. He exhaled a little shakily and continued.

"The Dark Elves were after an infinity stone someone I once knew possessed... My mother kept her safe... Then Malekith killed my mother."

There was a quiet and long pause. I stood up and put my arm on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for your loss."

He grinned, but his eyes still had some sadness in them. "Thank you, man of spiders... It's been long since I've seen her... Following her death, my father passed. My brother and I saw him fade away right in front of us. Once he was gone, our sister, the goddess of death, was set free and we had to defeat her... At the cost of our home. My hammer was destroyed. My brother was all I had left... Then I saw him die at the hands of Thanos. I swore to Thanos that he'd die for that... And he did. But it did nothing. Half the universe perished... Loki was still dead. I had failed the universe. I wallowed in my own failure for years, drinking all by myself. It even came to a point where I asked myself  if I was worthy... If I had my hammer, would I be still be worthy to lift it?"

"Was I even worthy to have a family...?"

Gods have always been portrayed as such mighty beings in legends and scriptures. The were always strong no matter what. Never had there been a mention of such an entity to display weaknesses that I could recall. Not even God's mercy to forgive sinners compares to this. It wasn't until this moment that I saw a god weep for what he has lost.

He continued. "It seemed like I had lost everything... And there'd be no point in getting back up. That's when Stark had his elaborate idea about navigating time itself. I didn't think the plan would work. The next thing I knew... I was facing my mother on the day that she died, again. And although I couldn't save her in that reality, there was something I learned from her: No matter what you encounter along the way... Victory or defeat. No matter how challenging a trail may be, you can endure... And you can still be worthy."

He calls his hammer and it shoots into his hand.

"I must pay a visit to Steven Rogers. He awaits my company. Farewell, man of spiders. Shall we meet again."

He was gonna in the blink of an eye.

I guess even gods have their own demons to battle...may they be either literal or figurative. Looks like I'm not alone.

The webbing dissolves and I take the note out. I go over the line again one last time.

"'I love you for you and everything that you stand for.' I know I don't mean much to you, but hopefully one day you find out how much that line means to me."

*****

Writer's note: I wrote this story mainly for myself as a way to just give myself some motivation. Hopefully this little rushed story helps someone out. Remember, no matter how bad it gets... No matter how hard your depression or anxiety hits you, if you keep going, you'll always be worthy.