Peter's Journal

Yep, Peter Parker, you're growing up

It's really amazing how some pictures can throw you back to an exact time and place. I'm not talking about remembering the exact time on the clock or the day, but just... You just remember. It wasn't even a photograph. It was a "doodle" that was given to me that had no business being refered to as a mere doodle. I had talked about being able to hold the Captain's shield during an assist I gave the Avengers when I heard there was some kind of invasion going on. The drawing's fading as it has been rubbing against the cover of the journal I kept it in for a while. The graphite's even stained the cover of the book. I had forgotten about it, actually. It's a piece I didn't think I'd find. This was from many years ago... The fact I can say that makes me feel old. Back when I had just discovered my powers and was barely fitting into this Spider-Man thing. Barely figuring it out. I still am, but I've got some kind of foundation now. I was so sure was that more was going to be added to my life. I'd have everything the same and just have additions, new people, to my life... More have gone than I could ever replace. I couldn't. It's part of life. Everyone has their path. Sometimes they merge with ours for a time, but sometimes you have to get off the highway to get to where you need to. All I could ever hope is that I can keep those connections for as long as I can before we just have to all separate.

It's a few months before I graduate, half a year before I go to the university. Here I am missing some of those connections that I outgrew. Just because of a "doodle". Then I'm fearing what might become of my relationship with the people I love the most. My friends who've kept me alive for a lot more than they realize. I'm so afraid that once we start our lives, we'll just end up losing touch. I know I can't rely on people for happiness, but God... I wish I could have it my way. I love them so much it genuinely makes me cry out of happiness in the moments I think about them. Should anything ever happen to them, I wouldn't know what I'd do. How I'd react. I just want them to have the best in life. I know I wouldn't have given myself that opportunity had I never met them.

As my future becomes the present, I really just want to stay here. Sometimes even go to the past and talk to those I miss so much. Talk to those who kept me level and calmed me down by telling me that I am gonna make it. But it's too late for that. Some no longer exist with me to see me succeed... The way I wanted them to. Some just... It was my choice. Others just kept on with life.

"Yep, Peter Parker, you're growing up."

*THWIP!*