MY BIG FAT ROMANCE

MBFR : 22

EPISODE22: THE RAINBOW

Si mama lang ang pumunta sa unibersidad na pinag-aaralan ko. I know she tried her best to persuade Mrs. Allison to change her judgment, but the latter declared that the majority of the decision of the Department Heads are irrevocable; and that she's just implementing the school's regulations and guidelines.

Nawalan ako ng pag-asa para umasang maisasalba ko pa ang aking pangarap. Ilang araw na din akong hindi pinapansin ni Papa.

He's very disgruntled in me, and I have no alternative but to endure it; even though his action is tearing me apart.

At kahit hindi man sabihin o pinapakita ni Mama na nalulungkot siya sa nangyari sa akin. Ramdam ko pa rin ang lungkot nito; sa bawat sulyap niya sa akin. Si Papa naman ay hindi man lang ako matingnan ng deritso.

Alam kong kumakalat na ang issue sa buong sulok ng school kaya minabuti ko na lang na ikulong ang sarili sa bahay.

Walang gabi at araw na hindi ako umiiyak. Walang gabi at araw na hindi ko ipinagdasal na baka pwede pa, na baka sana magbago pa ang desisyon nila. Sinasampal na ako ng mundo na wala ng pag-asa pero gusto kong umasa; mula sa pinakamaliit na posibilidad lang.

Today is Sunday, and I decided to go to church. I can't say that I am an ecclesiastical person but I feel like I need it this time. Ominous thoughts are hovering in my mind but I know God will support me overcome this chaotic road. I don't usually go to church but I know and I believe that He exists.

My tears were streaming down my cheeks while striding towards the Altar; I sit on the chair nearest to the stage.

I kneel and shut my eyes, "Lord, you let this happen because you know that I can confound this, right? Naniniwala kang malalampasan ko ito pero parang hindi ko na ata kaya. Parang gusto ko ng sumuko. Pinipilit kong kumbinsihin ang sarili ko araw-araw. Pinipilit kong lumaban pero napagod na akong umasa," I let my tears tumble and drench my entire countenance.

"I know that I can count on you. Please help me; help me see the light that I was seeking. Give me a brave heart to fight this dilemma. Give me the intrepidity to continue this life."

Mahigpit kong pinagsalikop ang dalawa kong kamay habang patuloy na umiiyak, "Lord, I can't do this alone. I can't fight this war independently. Please be with me. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, huwag mo naman sana hayaang mawala sa akin 'to. Ito na lang ay meron ako, ito na lang ang nag-iisang rason ko para magpatuloy. Kung naririnig mo ako ngayon. Sana ay dinggin mo ang aking panalingin."

We need to be potent for ourselves. We need to realize that there's someone who we can drive through, and it's God. When we can see our route to him; I know that we can outlive the spirals of life.

In times that you feel that everybody left your side, you feel like an impotent rag thrown somewhere, when you feel like a plastic that everybody calls tainted and when you feel like a stray dog that does not have a home.

Always strive for the dawn in every twilight, always have the heart that sees good in every bad, and always remind yourself that everything is alright as long as you don't lose hope, as long as you don't lose yourself.

Maybe the hurricane in your life brings you a lot of deterioration; it may destroy you but it will make you stronger; it will make you strong enough to face a a powerful storm again; it will make you wise; it will make you brave.

He is not blind; He witnesses every adversity and scrabble in your life.

He is not deaf; He hears your every cry and whine.