When Dreams Turn into Nightmares [DREAMNOTFOUND ANGST]

Chapter 14

Georges pov

Dream blows a kiss to me while walking off to make us food, I roll my eyes with a giggle. I sit there for a minute, then look down to what's set directly in front of me. The- journal. Who knows what could hide inside that. It could be literally anything. How can I wait when it's right there, right infront of me.

I shakingly reach over to the mystery beyond me, wondering what's inside, I open the book.

It starts off- normal. I mean nothing was really happening to us when he started this. It starts off by talking about why he started it in the first place, how Skeppy had one because he couldn't afford the right care he needed. He also appreciated how he was trying, that's sweet. I never even really realized what was happening with Skeppy. I didn't talk to him as much as the rest of them, but I still hope he's doing well.

As I keep looking through I'm reminded of all the great memories we had together, storys about the fun times we had. "Oh my gosh, I remember this!" Not realizing I said that outloud, I hear Dream yell asking what I was saying. I say nothing and continue reading.

There must be a big smile on my face, because there was just so many great things to remember. It's hard to believe all this was happening at one point, everyone was happy.

My eyes start to water, the first bad thing- the start of the virus. I already know what's coming up, and there it is. My mothers death. Why did she have to go so early, before it was even amplified in the slightest. Though it is just a myth that someone could do that, how could you even manage it? Or spread it?

I continue looking, the pages slowly adding more and more sorrow. I was right. His parents did die. He never felt the same after, so why did he act the same? He could've told me. I may have had lots of stuff happening, but that doesn't mean I can't help.

Well now I think that anyways. Now that I really think about it maybe I couldn't. Now I have Dream, but before I didn't have anyone to care for me in real life, hug me, kiss me, tell me it's going to be okay. The only person that ever did during this time was my sister. But we know how that turned out.

I continue flipping through pages, the dates are starting to be scribbled out, some don't even show. Most of them starting to just be plain question marks.

Day ???
That's it, I'm done.

No-

I can't handle everything going on right now. The journal helped, but it can't bring back the dead, nor dead personalities.

He meant- me.

Only if this fucking thing didn't have to happen, we'd be happy, he wouldn't have changed.

I changed him.i made him think this way- it's all my fault.

Day ???
They just visited me. Not just George, he brought a friend.

He wrote about it- that means it's close to when-

I joked about them dating, that was fun. Felt like back when we were kids. But being in the cold reality, I know we're not, and it's not going to stop. Wish I could stay with you, George. I really do, but my time is now. I don't know if you'll ever see this, but just know, it's not your fault. Fuck the virus. Fuck the mark. And I'll see you some day without this thing going around,

I shed a tear as I read the last line.

can't wait.

"No- th-that can't be it." I quietly sob while flipping through the blank pages. "Please- have something else. It can't be the last one!" Dream doesn't seem to notice my cries, which is good because I don't want him to. I was supposed to wait.

I stop as I see letters on the half flipped page. Slowly, I start to turn it. Bracing myself for what could be on the other side.

George, was my best friend.

I smile through the tears, there's no date in the beginning like the rest, strange.

And I know you're probably reading this right now, hah, I hope you're doing good.

More tears stream down my face as I read the long paragraph.

I've never been better, felt better, than hanging out with you, George. No matter what, you guys always brought a smile to my face. Whether it's joking around or even making fun of me. You were the best idiots I could ask for, I never would've traded anything for you all. Bad and Skeppy included, and now Dream as well. I can tell he's good, and better stay good to you when I'm gone. Which would be right as you're reading this.

I sob louder. Hearing slight foot steps in the distance.

Don't blame yourself. Never blame yourself. None of this is your fault, it was never your fault. I've tried to understand throughout the way, but I never could properly. But now I do, I don't know how you actually were able to handle it so good to be honest. I'm sorry I have to go so soon- I know they said a month but I'm not going to be around for much longer at all. I hope you can forgive me for this. It's fine if you don't, I understand.

Have a good day George, a good life. Never end it. And never blame yourself for anything like this. I love you all, please tell the rest that too. Wish you could come with me. See you all in heaven.

I put a hand up to my face, I can't believe what I had just read. I look up to the sound, it's Dream with our food, and gives me a disappointed look with teary eyes.

"You read it." I hide my face, he said one thing that I shouldn't do for my health, and I did it. I hear a small sound from the table in front of me, probably him setting down the food. I refuse to look up, I can't take it.

Moments later, to my surprise he sits down on the couch and hugs me. I continue to sob into my fists.

"It's all my fault- it's all my fault- it's-" my breathing quickens. I can't ignolage anything around me, just a faint circular motion on my back.

"George- George please calm down. What happened? Nothing's your fault, nothing." I barely hear Dreams voice ring in my ears. Eventually my breathes start to slow, him calming me down along the way.

"It's all my fault-" I manage to muster out.

"Shh, shh." His gental hands stroke my back. "Nothing's your fault." His voice is very calm. I can tell he's trying his best to soothe me, and it's working. "Tell me what happened, please?" I sniffle. "Deep breaths, in, and out." I follow his instructions, taking in a deep breath.

"I- I read it. As you could see. A-and it was his last entry-" I choke on my words, almost not able to get them out. He carefully lifts the journal off the table, opening to the last page- seeing that I was on it earlier. I glance up at his face, seeing his eyes open more. He then looks down at me.

"Oh, George." He pulls me into his arms once more. "It's really not your fault. He wasn't lying, he was telling the truth. Please don't be hard on yourself for it. Imagine what he'd think if he saw this. He just wants his friends to be happy, he loved all you guys." I let out a small sob. "I'm sorry, George. I'm sorry for everything, but this will never be your fault. It's never anyones fault for this stuff happening. Please believe me, I've never lied to you before, right? And never plan to." I look up to his eyes, they're so pretty. The light yellow color shining from the sun through the window. Eyes like that aren't ones of a lier. I know it's not much, but it's so much more than the surrounding stuff, it feels more- colorful. With a smile, I hug him back.

"Th-thank you." Dream makes a comforting grunt.

"No problem, George. I'll always be here for you."

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