This 'alien' feelings!

To blame

2 years ago...

Bright waited Infront of Win's house, hoping to see him but only to get smacked with a reality that Win had long gone with his parents.

He tried asking Pluem to help him but to his dismay, it was a dead end. None of his friends really know where they had gone to.

He tried snooping on Win's IG, FB, Line. Every possible social platforms. All he can get was a name 'Metawin V' with a blue anon figure and a white background. It was deactivated.

Each night he feels restless, the thought that he might have destroy a person's life was eating him from the inside. It wasn't any person to begin with, it was Win. Just the thought of it makes Bright's heart hurts so much. 

 Bright might be a jerk, a playboy but a bully is not one of them, more or less a bad person. And  right now Bright thinks that he himself is a criminal that deserve to be jail. 

The restlessness soon turned into nightmarish sleeps. He would wake up sweaty with heavy breathing. Clutching his heart with his hand at an image in his dream. An image where Win throw himself off of a building. Ending his demise with a look that Bright will never forget. 

Such cruel dream, only to remind him of his guilt.

Weeks passed by, the only thing that managed to make Bright go on with his life is non-other than alcohol. Bright never have been sober since then. Laughing maniacally, with girls around his arms in a rich clubs. He spends his life almost everyday in a different club or bars only to drown himself in rich tub of alcohol.

His parent are getting worried, as bills keep on piling. But what can they do, both of them are busy with their works and the only one that they can depend on with Bright is his friends, Mike and Gun.

"Bright oh my god! how long are you gonna be like this!?" Mike asked, annoyed yet worried for his friend.

"Yo! my Man! Gun!...hic~" Bright yelled his friends name loudly as he sees them at the entrance of the club.

"Oh shit! how long has it been since you take a bath?" Gun shriek when Bright went closer.

"Huh!? what are you on about!?" Bright asked again clearly drunk.

"YOU SMELL LIKE A DEAD FISH!" Mike and Gun scream.

"Do I? Great hahahaha! Come join me, the girls are waiting!" Bright said.

Both of them know, no matter how much he tried, he can't... Bright can't sleep with anyone anymore. Everytime he tries to, it's either he get slapped by his one night stand or being humiliate as impotent.

Gun and Mike both had enough of it, it's been weeks. At first they thought it's a phase that Bright will get through after few days of drinking and being drunk. But its getting serious and out of hand. Even Bright's parent had to call them, meaning to say, they can't get hold of Bright his phone must've been drained. Plus they don't have a liver and a kidney to spare for Bright. So right now they plan to drag Bright home, willingly or by force. Which ever gets it done.

"Bright, we are here to bring you home..." Mike said holding Bright's wrist.

"Whhat? I am home..." Bright replied, smiling crazily. With a glass of liquor on his hands. Which Gun slowly taking it and put it on a table.

"Bright! get a grip... you need to get home and get you life back together!" Gun yelled. Rarely they see him do that.

"Fuck off, I'm not going!" He replied as he yanked Mike's hands from his.

"Your parent are getting worried too!"

"I know already geez, you don't need to tell me..." Bright reply with his hand gesturing a 'shooing' moves.

Bright was about to walk away before Mike managed to make him stop.

"Is this about Win?" Mike wasn't going to let this off. Hearing that name, makes Bright stopped. Before he turned back with rage filled face. Sensitive and easily triggered.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Bright yelled, pointing his finger at Mike's face. Mike was the only one who knew.

"Win? what does this have to do with him?" Gun asked, but nobody answer him.

"You think doing all of these and destroying your life, can undo the things you've done?" Mike said, pouring oil over the flames.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH MIKE!" Bright yelled again, this time gripping on his collar. Gun was there to separate him from Mike.

"I see, I must've be wrong then, you are doing this to forget all those hurtful and sinful things you've done to him. Must've been feeling so great for you, trying to forget all of it as easy as getting drunk like this." Mike wasn't stopping. Before he could continue, a fist landed on his jaw.

Bright pounce him like a mad man, Mike on the other had just defended his face with his arm. While Gun tries his best to separate them. All of the attention on the club are on them right now. The loud music suddenly stop playing.

A sharp ringing pierce into Bright ears, as he runs away out from the club. Mike and Gun followed his stead.

Bright runs, as far as his feet can take him. Until he reached the nearby bridge. Seeing the bridge brings back one of his nightmare back to him.

Win! DON'T! Bright yelled as he tries to save Win from jumping, yet failed... again.

He sobs, his shoulder went up and down as he tries so hard to suppress his tears and cries.

"Bright, it's fine. Just let it out." Mike said, Gun just watch silently, he'd make sure one of them will tell him what the fuck is really going on.

"AND THEN WHAT? TELL ME MIKE!" Bright yelled. Mike didn't say anything.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST BLAME ME, PUNCH ME UNTIL I BLEED, OR EVEN BETTER JUST KILL ME!?" Bright asked.

"I can't do that, we can't..." Mike reply.

"I can't live like this! I WON'T! Not when every night I see him as a nightmare and just to wake up feeling all the guilt over again!" 

"There is nothing wrong feeling guilty Bright! it what makes us human. You gotta man it up, and face your guilt. Instead of running away like this." 

Bright didn't speak upon hearing it, and Mike decided to continue.

"And right now, you have to accept yourself and what to come from it. You're not feeling guilt for Win only. But yourself too. Until when you have to lie to yourself?" Mike said. Bright looked at Mike and Gun. As he tries so hard to find pity in their eyes, but he found something else. Instead of pity, he found hope and strength in their eyes.

"We were hoping you would be better in any days now. But turned out we were wrong... Sorry we didn't come sooner." Gun added as he smiles.

Bright turned back, looking at the bridge. He looks up on the dark skies as Mike's word echoes in his ears. Accept yourself.... until when you have to lie to yourself... Repeating all over and over again.

Slow tears begin to rolls on his cheeks, yet no sound were made. He takes a deep breath, before saying...

"I really like him...." calm and tender, Bright voiced out.

"I know..." Mike said....

"Ya, I know, but urmmmm can someone tell me what the fuck is actually happening right now?" Gun was beyond frustrated not knowing anything. Hearing it, Bright smiled as he look at his friends.

"I like Win."

"Finally!" Mike said.