Frank: Nice to see you again, pussycat.
Viv: Thanks. I wish I could say the same, Comrade.
Kitty: *stumbling through her portal, clutching a bottle of New Orleans bourbon, peacock feathers fluttering in her hair, her multicoloured mardi gras beads jingling - a crowd of people and streams of confetti belt out from the other end of the portal. She blearily raises a hand and attempts a wave / salute* Yo...
Frank: I take it you needed a break.
Viv: *rolls her eyes*
Kitty: Back to back chapters of this shit makes me wanna take a bath in lactic acid.
Viv: Right. So... Why are we here exactly?
Kitty: Wally requested you *slurs as she hooks her thumb over towards Frank - then collapses next to her stool, licking her parched lips* Mmmm... *briefly lost in a highly inappropriate fantasy* Oh! And I bring guests.
Frank:... Huh?
~a fresh portal tears open, and a familiar duo enter. Imposing Neo and lanky Onslaught. His straw hat was singed but he seemed pretty relaxed for someone whose entire nervous system functioned at 300% capacity~
Viv: Howdy.
Frank: *glances at Kitty, confused* I hope you're sober enough to know what you're doing.
Kitty: *ears pricked like a dog, her face contorted in disgust* ...Is that a trick question?
Onslaught: *presses a long finger to Frank's lips, then begins to caress his cheek* Sssssh, my sweet little pumpkin. We got work to do.
Frank: *shudders*
Viv: We do?
Neo: Resetting mission parameters. Standing by for updates.
Onslaught: *withdraws from Frank as he hauls a large buffel bag into the room. He drops it on the desk. The bag moves, as if a chestburster was waiting to pounce*
Kitty: *smashes her empty bottle over the bag and shouts;* Wake up, you sad pathetic little parasite!
Gimp: Reeeeeeeeee!
Frank, Viv & Onslaught: *clamp their hands over their ears, as the glass on the computer screen shatters*
Neo: *opens a bag of earplugs and begins handing them out*
Kitty: *clicks her fingers and summons a sturdy chair made out of Devil's Snare, with well-placed cuffs and braces, enough to accomodate the waif-like Gimp*
Onslaught: *whilst jabbing his earbuds in, he smacks the bag with the heel of his palm, teeth gritted* I said Twing Twang Waka Waka Bang-Bang!
Kitty:... You wot?
Neo: Commander Onslaught said he does not want to do this, but that he likes doing this.
Kitty: Oh. I knew that.
Neo: *manages to slide the Gimp out from under Onslaught's assault, throwing the creature into Kitty's Devils' Snare chair*
Onslaught: *promptly straps the cuffs onto the Gimp, grimacing as he gets nuzzled by its' greasy mop of dark stale-sweat hair* Eeee! *clutches his hat and slaps the Gimp* Eee! Eeeeeeee!
Neo: *produces a baby wipe from one of his many ammo pouches - covers Onslaught's mouth, muffling his screams as he scrubs his face*
Kitty: Right! *turns back to Frank*
Frank: *stunned - jolted back to life as he bolts for the first portal*
Kitty: *snaps her fingers, closing it. She conjures herself a fat joint*
YOU ARE READING
Topside: Realm of the Onion
Humor"'Consumed by sadness and the fallout of a now retreating fear.' That ought to be tagline for what it's like sporking this shit." ~KittyHP [A/N true to my word.] Sporking: Stones to Abbigale. A book so bad it misspells it's title character's name. A...
