Kitty: Let's steam through this turd *hands Frank a bottle of Blonde Witch. Tears off the cap on her bottle of Old Tom Cat; spits it at Hancock*
John: Goddamnit! *stumbles outta his chair, falling flat on his ass, jolting his spine* Fuck... That hurt.
Frank: *uncaps his beer with a swiss-army knife* We jump to gym, where Abbifail relays that the old crone from art class will be getting a new desk. This is due to the President's patronage.
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Kitty: Rivetting.
John: Then she casually drops this bombshell.
"In other news, Jason has been hitting on me, not sure what to do about it."
Kitty: *waving a paw in the air* Oh! I know! You could;
-Suck his dick
-Tell him you're not interested
-Tell him you've got someone (if you count James at this point - I wouldn't but then I have standards)
-Tell him you're gay and therefore not interested
-Friend Zone him
-Break his fingers for touching you.
Personally, Kitty would go for the latter but y'know *shrugs* Different strokes for different folks.
Frank: Point is, does she do any of these sensible options?
Kitty: It's soon revealed that she snitches on him. Assuming the school would take this shit seriously.
John: I predict that they don't.
Frank: This is Jerkoff's response:
I replied concerned "Like just flirting, or is it heavy?"
She answered, "I think the whole saving our lives thing went to his head. He just grabbed my butt in class after the President left the room."
I went silent.
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John: Ha! That kid be pimpin'.
Kitty: Shut up. Clearly, he's not doing it right if he can't keep his pimp hand strong wit dese hoes.
Frank: Oh hang on... She does show a spine for once in her life.
Trying to reassure me she said "I yelled at him not do it again."
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I replied, "Did you talk to the teacher?"
She answered "Mrs. Stanely saw I was uncomfortable and said she would give him detention if he tried to do it again."
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John: Oh. Ok. I guess that'll stop the cunt from groping people.
Kitty: *glares at her notes then growls*
I love that she did everything I would have done,
Frank: [As James] She was a very good Real Doll, like dat.
Kitty: *ears flatten as she hisses*
leaving no room for me to imagine potential alternatives to what she felt about Jason's chauvinistic act.
John: *long pause followed by uncontrollable laughter*
Frank: *quirks a brow* Really? A sexist pig like you wants to talk about chauvinism?
Kitty: Well, clearly she must've secretly wanted to be touched! Cuz wimmunz are fickle and always looking for someone with a bigger dick than you, right Greg?
Too Many Onions In The Sauce: 100
Frank: She doesn't have to look very far, at least...
John: He grabbed her ass! And she bitched him out. End of fucking story. Why is this idiot acting like it's such a big deal?
YOU ARE READING
Topside: Realm of the Onion
Humor"'Consumed by sadness and the fallout of a now retreating fear.' That ought to be tagline for what it's like sporking this shit." ~KittyHP [A/N true to my word.] Sporking: Stones to Abbigale. A book so bad it misspells it's title character's name. A...
