Topside: Realm of the Onion

Reasons You Don't Fuck With Kitty

Kitty: *tapping a laser point, testing it but getting distracted each time, chasing the lil red dot across the paper-thin projector sheet*

Gust: *stirs from his slumber, glancing down and noticing the chains strapped around him*

Kitty: *turns the laser onto him, pointing it directly at his eye*

Gust: *blinks* Ow. That is mildly annoying.

Kitty: Good.

Gust: *sighs* You're still mad?

Kitty: *digging out one of her throwing knives, then perches onto the edge of her desk, smiling sweetly at him* Sssh, Lucy. You're just a tiny pimple. He's the real pain in my ass *points with the tip of her knife at Bravo, tied up back to back with Gust*

Wesker: *scowling, duct tape over his mouth*

Kitty: *sinister smile as she waves her dainty fingers at him* Hi.

Wesker: *stonily continues to glare*

Kitty: Hey, don't be mad at me, Cock-Pops. You have yourself to blame.

Wesker: *rolls his eyes*

Kitty:... Fuck dis *rips the duct tape off* There you go. Don't ever say I don't do nothin' for ya.

Wesker: *wrinkles his nose, eyes watering* Other than being a walking advertisment for abstinence.

Kitty: Suck my dick.

Gust: Firstly, you don't have one.

Wesker: Secondly, I have standards.

Gust: You do? *glances at him, questioningly*

Kitty: Hey! *throws the knife into the desk* No conspiring! So! *points her laser at the projector* Some of you may be familiar with the following information provided to you--

Gust: *feigns a cough* Getonwithit *cough cough*

Kitty: *narrows her eyes* You remember what happened to the last smartass that kept interrupting me?

Gust: *chews his lower lip, nodding. Shivers then looks away*

Kitty: Right. Reasons why you don't fuck with Kitty. *She chews on the inside of her cheek, slowly nodding* There are many...

Wesker: Getting all choked up, are we, Kitten?

Kitty: *levels her laser at his eyes* I'll show you choked in a minute, you sardine stinkin' lil dick!

Wesker: *blinks as she waves the dot back and forth across his forehead, as if she were painting a red unibrow*

Kitty: Anyway. As some may be currently aware--

Gust: Hi.

Kitty: *cuts him a look, tail twitching*

Gust: *nods towards Wesker* It was him. I'm just a pimple, right?

Kitty: Yes, very rapidly you're turning cancerous. Do I need to put you down?

Gust: *shakes his head* Nah. Please. Do continue.

Kitty: *ignoring his sarcasm, she points to the Powerpoint presentation she'd prepared* First reason. Kitty can track you. Like a fucking bloodhound on crack. Assuming I don't already have a rough idea of where you are, Kitty will find you and do the murder. Or torture.

Gust: Or worst still, try to have sex with you.

Wesker: *snorts* Indeed.

Kitty: Sometimes even a weird combination of the three. Next reason! Kitty holds grudges. Even when I'm being nice to you, I wont forget that one time you put corn kernels in my space cakes and then dared me to drink a punch bowl full of warm cider just to "see what happens."