Song for the chapter: Brain by Banks
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"What?" I ask her. I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that they would be here, the fact that I would have to see him.
"They really want you to go, Al. You know it would mean so much to them," she says as she rubs my arms in an act to comfort me. I walk over to my bed, I had to sit down before I fell flat on my face. My head was spinning. Of course I was excited to see the boys, I was more excited than anything even though I wasn't showing it. My body was frozen with other emotions that were overpowering the excitement: shock, pain and worst of all, fear.
The thought of seeing Luke again made me physically ill, shutting down my bodily functions and paralyzing me with too many feelings. I was doing so well; I hadn't been thinking about him, hadn't cried in a while. I was doing so much better, and of course this had to happen. My progress would once again be shattered at the sight of him. In a little over a week I would be met with the same eyes that I fell in love with, the same blue oceans that swallowed me whole and refused to let me come up for air.
"Allis?" I am startled by her voice. I was too consumed in my thoughts, I had forgotten she was sitting right next to me.
"What am I gonna do?" I plead.
"You're going to be strong and not let him get to you. You're going to show him that you've moved on, you have Nathan now. Who knows, maybe if we're lucky he won't even come around you," she tries to soothe me with her words but it doesn't have any effect.
"Linley, they're a band of best friends. They're always together. The boys are going to want to hang out with us and I'm sure he will be around," I argue.
"Probably not. I haven't told you this, but Michael and the other boys told me that Luke has become very distant ever since they went on tour. They all still get along of course, but Luke doesn't come around. He doesn't do much besides lay in bed. When they do all go out, he disappears and they don't see him for the rest of the night." Her words don't make me feel any better, they actually make me feel worse. The only reason that I can think of that he would disappear is if he went to hook up with girls. He's probably slept with so many girls while they've been on tour.
I have to stop myself from thinking about it, it makes me sick. Linley was right. I had to prove to Luke that I didn't need him. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible, and when he does come around I won't even look at him.
"Okay, you're right," I say quietly as I try to forget about the war between the emotions in my head.
"So you'll go?" She asks.
"Of course I'll go. I'll need you to help me be strong though," I turn to her.
"You know I will be right by your side through the whole thing. I always am," she says as she wraps her arm around me. I lay my head on her shoulder and thank God that I have such an amazing best friend.
"Thank you Lin. You do so much for me and I couldn't be more grateful," I say and hug her tight.
"Anything for my best friend. I love you so much," she whispers. Her words warm my heart.
"I love you too," I respond.
Later on that night, I lay in my bed after a long phone call with Nathan. I told him about the boys coming here. He asked if I wanted him to come with me, but I said no. I honestly don't know why I told him no, but I didn't really want him to be around when I saw them.
The thoughts that I have tried to suppress come back to haunt me. As I lay in the silence I become very vulnerable and there's no escape now. How am I going to face him? How am I supposed to be able to conceal my feelings that I've learned to ignore? I keep telling myself that I can do it, that I am stronger than I was. I keep trying to believe that I am a different girl than the one that he left behind, but deep down I am the same fragile girl that is going to fall apart at the sight of him.
He is the one that's different. I don't have to be around him to know that he's changed for the worse. He changed the moment that he told me he was leaving, he was never the same after that. He was a different guy than the one I had once known and loved. I didn't need him, I've moved on. I am strong.
I just hope that those lies aren't as obvious to him as they are to me.
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A/N
Do you guys want me to do another update tonight? If you do and if you will read it, then I definitely will. Or do you guys just want to wait? Let me know xx
