Song for the chapter: Salted Wound by Sia
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The next morning I wake up with a pounding headache. I'm not sure if it's from the alcohol or all of the crying, probably both.
Every morning I ask myself the same question. Which do I hate more: dreaming about Luke, or waking up to find that he is not here? After four months of trying to find the answer, I still don't know. My mind is filled with questions that I will probably never know the answer to.
I turn to see the little bit of light shining through the curtains of my balcony door and know that I want to stay in bed all day here in my dark room. I grab my phone from my nightstand and see the time that reads 12:23, along with a few messages. One message especially stands out to me from a number that I don't have saved:
Hey Allis, it's Nathan. Just wanted to check on you, hope you're feeling better :)
I immediately text Linley before responding to him, asking her if she's the one who gave him my number. She responds within a minute.
Your message woke me up, rude. But maybeeee...you'll never know
I shake my head and go back to Nathan's message.
I'm okay, just a small headache. Thanks for asking.
When my phone vibrates about a minute later, I find myself immediately checking it.
No problem at all. What do you say about joining me for lunch?
I find myself contemplating on whether or not I should go. Getting out of bed doesn't seem appealing, but then again neither does counseling. If I go, my mother will think that I'm doing better. Anyways, what's the harm in getting lunch? It's just food, that I do in fact need. I'm just getting lunch with a guy that I made out with last night while drunk...
Sure, that sounds great. How about we meet at Nando's in half an hour?
I answer before I can tell myself that I shouldn't go. I get up and pull the crewneck off of my body and throw it back into my closet. I wish it was that easy to get rid of my feelings, wish I could just throw them in the closet and not have to think about them all day. But unfortunately for me, it wasn't that easy.
I pull my hair back into a ponytail and throw on an All Time Low t-shirt along with a pair of skinny jeans. I put on a little makeup, more than I have been wearing lately aside from last night. As I am getting ready, I hear my phone vibrate on my bed and figure that it's probably Nathan answering me.
When I am finished, I look at my phone to find that I was right. I slide on a pair of vans and go downstairs. My mother, Troy, Bradley and Josh are all watching something on T.V.
"Hello dear, how was your night?" My mom asks when I walk into the living room.
"Uh, it was okay. I'm going to lunch with a friend, I'll be back later," I say as I kiss her on the forehead. I wave to the rest before walking out the door. I loved having my own car and not having to take my mom's. I blared Bring Me The Horizon on the way to Nando's.
When I arrived, I hoped that he was here but didn't know. I walked into the restaurant and spotted him at a small booth after looking around. He smiled and waved at me as I made my way to the table.
"Well hello there," he said with a smile as I slid into the seat across from him. "How are you?"
"Still have a tiny headache, but I'm alright." I try to return the smile, but it doesn't come out great. I'm not that good at smiling anymore since I don't do it that much.
"Well I hope it goes away soon. Thanks for joining me for lunch," he smiles again. His smile is so warm and a little calming.
"Oh no thank you for inviting me, I didn't have plans anyways," I let out a small laugh.
"So, are you gonna tell me about yourself now?" He asks after the waitress takes our order.
I sigh. I didn't want to share my sad life with him. "There really isn't that much to know," I say with another attempted smile.
"Oh come on, I'm sure there's so much to know. Just a few things?" He says and sticks out his bottom lip in a cute pout.
I sigh once again and shake my head. "Well, I moved here the day before senior year from America, I like bands and I guess you could say my life is a little complicated." That was like saying that the sun was only a little bright. "Your turn," I say before he can ask what's so complicated about it.
He smiled a little before he began to speak. "Well, I've lived here my whole life with my parents and two sisters. I enjoy painting, writing and listening to music as well. There's this field that I go out to sometimes to relax. It's so quiet and I love going there to paint or to just lay there and look at the stars at night."
"What else?" I ask when he stops talking.
He gives me a funny look before continuing on to tell me about his favorite childhood memories and other things that he likes to do. He talks a lot, but I like listening to him. It makes me forget about my sad life for just a while, and he's very interesting. I didn't expect any of this from him. I was also shocked at how easily he opened up to me, even when I wouldn't. It took me so long to get Luke to open up to me; and here we are, just met each other last night and he is telling me his life story. His life sounds so perfect, unlike anybody else's that I've known. It's different; not boring, but calm. He is not broken like Luke, or me for that matter. He is nice and relaxed and attainable and good. He is everything that Luke is not.
No matter how different he was from Luke, and no matter how much better he would be for me, he wasn't Luke. Luke was broken and angry and mean; but that's just how he was, and I knew more in this moment than I ever had before, I didn't want anyone besides him.
