Song I recommend for the chapter: Fire-scene - Alt. Version by S. Carey
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The pounding of my head is very distinct as though someone is continuously hitting me with a brick. I blink a few times to rid my eyes of the blurriness of the outlined figures around me. My heart aches when I see no sign of Luke and realize that it was not all just some horrible nightmare. The constant throbbing is worse as I try to suppress the familiar tears. Based on the fact that I am still in my dress, I figure that I have only been out for a few hours. A spot on the back of my head is numb, a hint of coldness coming through.
"How are you feeling?" Linley asks me, breaking me from my thoughts.
I take a deep breath, knowing that if I don't I will end up losing the battle against my sobs. "My head hurts," I whisper as I move my hand to the cold spot. I am forced to flinch as I slightly hit the ice pack harder against the area of pain.
"Do you...remember anything?" She asks. I look around once again and take in my surroundings for the first time. Lin and Ashton are sitting on either side of me as I lay flat in my bed.
"Unfortunately. Where's..." I pause, knowing that if I say the name I will break down again.
"He's with Michael and Calum. I'm not sure where they are at the moment," she answers. I close my eyes and try to forget everything that's happened today, but the visions that flood my mind prevent that from happening.
"He didn't mean to hit you Allis," I hear Ashton say.
Knots form in my stomach, tightening at his words. I had hoped that it wasn't Luke that hit me; that it was his brother on accident or even on purpose. Anything would have been better than Luke's fist on my face. But I am faced with the frightening truth: Luke hit me. It may have been on accident, but he still hurt me.
My eyes screw shut as the tears finally make their way down my cheeks. "What happened after?" I whisper.
"Well after you hit the ground and got knocked out, Luke went into a full-scale panic. The three of us had to pull Ben away before he could throw himself at Luke, who was crying over your limp body. We couldn't call the cops because Luke would have gone to jail, but Troy and Louis eventually forced him to leave. Michael and Calum pulled Luke away and took him far away from here," He explains. "I'm so sorry about all of this Al, I'm sorry we couldn't tell you. We never wanted for you to get hurt and Luke didn't want that either."
"I've never seen him so...vulnerable Allis, so hurt," Linley says sadly, only causing the pain to grow.
"He wanted to tell you babe-"
"But he didn't," I cut Ash off.
"I know," he says sadly. "We'll give you some time, okay?" I nod and they both kiss my forehead before leaving the room together.
Only seconds after they walk out, Louis steps in slowly. I mentally thank him for saving me from being alone with my thoughts.
"Hey there trooper, how ya feeling?" He asks as he sits next to me.
"I'm not sure," I say with an attempted laugh.
"You've been through a lot, I can't even imagine where your head is at right now." He takes my hand in his, interlacing our fingers so naturally.
"I wish it was empty, but unfortunately it is full of thoughts that only make it hurt worse," I say back, tightening my grip against his fingers. He laughs lightly and lays down beside me. "I'm so tired," I groan.
"I know, but unfortunately if your head continues to hurt that bad we'll need to get you to a doctor," he says as he nuzzles closer to me.
I sigh. "The last thing I want to do is go to a doctor."
"Well hopefully you won't have to," he whispers.
"Louis?" I ask.
"Yeah?" He answers.
"Will you stay with me for a while?" I ask.
I can't see him, but I can almost gurantee a small smile spreads across his face. "Of course." I smile and soon start to drift off to sleep. "Everything's gonna be okay," I hear him say before I let the drowsiness take me over.
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A few days later, my head is feeling slightly better. I no longer keep the ice pack on the back of my head, and I have been up and out of bed. Barely out of bed I should say. All I want to do is sleep and be alone, so I haven't had much contact with people. I occasionally get visitors, basically the same people everyday. Lin, Ashton, Calum and Michael are the usual, besides my family of course. Louis spends a lot of time with me as well.
Calum is currently here, trying to cheer me up with funny YouTube videos. "Okay okay," I say and push his phone away. "All this laughing is giving me a headache."
I had gone to the doctor the day after the incident, only to find that I have a moderate concussion. Of course they can't do much for this other than reccomend pain killers and sentence me to bed rest for a couple of days. This is obviously not what I had in mind for the first few days of my summer.
"Sorry," he laughs. "I'll turn it off. Are you feeling any better?"
"My head, yes. Everything else, I don't think so," I say and attempt to laugh, which doesn't work out so well.
"I'm sorry Allis. Listen, you know Luke never meant to-"
He is interrupted by a soft knock on the door. My stomach churns and it seems all the blood rushes to my face when I see Luke standing in the doorway.
"I uh, I'll let you two talk. Call me if you need anything Allis, I love you." He kisses my cheek and quickly walks out, giving Luke a gentle pat on the shoulder before leaving my sight.
He walks over slowly, pulling my desk chair close to my bed, but not too close. His eyes are swollen and red, filled with exhaustion. His movements are so wary as if being careful to not shatter himself. "Hi Al," He whispers. "How are you doing?" His voice is raspy, which doesn't help anything.
"I'm better. Luke-"
"Allis please," he cuts me short. "Just let me explain before you say anything. Please." I don't say anything, not sure what to say. He takes this as a chance as he continues to talk. "I swear on my life I didn't mean to...hit you. I would never in a million years want to hurt you like that, or in anyway, in a million years. You have to believe me. I was swinging back to hit Ben and didn't realize you were so close to me and my elbow nailed you." A tear slides down his cheek. I was somewhat relieved to hear that it wasn't his fist. Nobody had talked to me about Luke since Ashton did the first day, so this side was a little better. "You have no idea how horrible I feel and I know I deserve it because I kept so much from you but I just...I'm so sorry." He lowers his head into his hands as his light cry turns into a sob. My heart was hurting for him and for me.
"I know you're sorry, I know now that you didn't mean to hit me. But you still hurt me so badly. I want to forgive you Luke, but I need time."
"I will give you all the time in the world. I will do anything to prove it to you, you name it," he is talking so fast. All of this is causing my head to hurt worse, I shouldn't be dealing with this amount of stress right now.
"I want to go on a break," I whisper, swallowing all of the regret and tears hard.
"What?" His voice cracks as he speaks.
"You heard me," I say with shame, taking my eyes away from him.
"Allis, please don't do this, I'll do any-"
"Stop it," I cut him off. If I let him continue, I will fall right back into his arms and that's not what I need to do. "I need some time, without you." I attempt to push the tears back before they can fall, but it's no use. "We need to take a break Luke."
His eyes fill with tears and heartache once again and that is the last I see of them before he gets up and walks quickly to the door. He stops before exiting, laying his hand on the wall. "I love you Allis," he whispers loud enough for me to hear and leaves.
I curl up with my sheets and let the tears take over freely. The thing is, I loved him too. I wanted nothing more than to call him back here and have him hold me, but I couldn't this time. Too much damage has been done.
