The sound of familiar music pulses through my body.
I sway back and forth slowly, eyes closed, as I silently mouth the words to Wrapped Around Your Finger. When I open my eyes, everyone is blue from the light radiating off of the stage. Various sizes of projected lanterns float everywhere on the giant screen behind the boys as they sing their hearts out. Even Luke, who I know is in pain, is giving it all he's got. As always.
It takes me back to the time when we were broken up and Linely had talked me into going to their concert. After months of not seeing Luke, my heart fluttered with every word out of his month. He never stopped looking at me that night, not once. Now he refuses to make eye contact. It might be because we are not as easy to spot as last time...But I face the bitter reality slapping me in the face.
He does not want to look at me.
Even without him making eye contact, I can see the pain he is feeling. I caused this pain and the thought of ever causing Luke to hurt breaks my heart. He has done nothing but love me every single day, even when I don't deserve it. Why did I have to ruin that? Why did I have to go see Ben? He's not worth this. After what he's done, he's not worth anything. He never was.
The sad part is, I thought he was my best friend. At one point, I even considered the fact that I might possibly love him. I know now that I've never been more wrong in my life. Almost every part of me wants to tell Luke what really happened, how big of an asshole Ben really is. But a tiny part doesn't want to, because Ben isn't worth either of our time anymore and I know that when Luke finds out what he really did, he will want to hurt him. There's nothing that I will be able to do to convince Luke not to. But at the same time, I have to tell him what actually happened; it's my only chance at forgiveness.
My only attempt, that is.
Everything through the night happens so quickly. Girls scream as loud as they can all around me after each song, the boys sound amazing, and as the music and screams get louder, so do they thoughts in my head. The bad thoughts. Thoughts that haunt me in my nightmares. Not only thoughts, but well-known words that I have heard before.
We need to talk.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
Each word pounds in my head as the bass pounds against my body. I can't let Luke leave me. As Ashton talks on stage, I stare at Luke, silently begging for him to look back at me. He looks exhausted and, worst of all, hurt. I shouldn't bring him pain. I can't do this to him anymore, I have to better myself in order to keep him. Why am I just now realizing this? How could I do this to someone that cares so much for me? The questions are spreading through my mind like wildfire, but one thought sticks out and really tugs at my heart.
What if it's too late?
I feel weak in the knees as I think about not having Luke in my life anymore. I already went through it once, I can't do it again. I attempt to pull myself together and start heading out of the crowd. I feel a hand tug on my arm, preventing me from leaving.
"Where are you going?" Linley yells as best she can over the music.
"To the bathroom!" I try to yell back. My voice feels strained not only from singing along to the beautiful lyrics of each song, but also from the stress. She looks at me strangely and usually she would go with me, since girls always accompany each other to the restroom, but she knows what I'm really doing, and she doesn't try to come with me.
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A/N
I love you all so much.
short chapter i know, but i had to give you guys something after all this time. thank you all for sticking with me through all these months of my absence. you don't know how much i appreciate it. i told you all that i would be back when i had time, all you had to do was trust me. so here you go.
again, i apologize for making you guys wait. buuuuut, i finally have a job where i can have time do write again. I'm dating the boy of my dreams, and things are just going good right now.
btw, wrapped around your finger really was my favorite song that they played on the rowyso tour. anybody else go? i just recently went to slfl in chicago and it was amazing. they played if you don't know and i almost had a heart attack. who else went? :)
i hope you all love this chapter and are excited for what's to come. i'm currently working on the next chapter now :)
thank you all again, you don't understand how much i really do love you guys. i'm always here if you need to talk or just want to. if you want to follow me on instagram to see whats going on in my life my username is bmattox1873 :) i'll follow back, just say hi!
much love xx
